Archive for August, 2010

Preparing My Heart for Grandparenting: For Grandparents at Any Stage of the Journey

by Lydia E. Harris

AMG Publishers, September 2010

Grandparents will laugh, love, and learn as they work on this practical, six-week Bible study that affirms grandparents in their GRAND role.

Whether you’re expecting your first grandchild or you’re already a great-grandparent, you’ll benefit from this inspiring study filled with Scripture, wisdom from experienced grandparents, and ideas to pass on a legacy of faith. The study covers relevant topics, such as new roles, prayer, modeling a godly life, investing in grandchildren’s lives, joy and tears, and making an eternal impact.

Some of the special features include:

  • Fun ideas to CELEBRATE with grandkids
  • Ways to affirm your grandkids and join their FAN club
  • Powerful prayer tools to use in praying for grandchildren
  • Practical help to model a godly life for them
  • Tips to handle tears and trials in grandparenting
  • Stories and quotes from grandparents and grandchildren
  • 30 GRAND thoughts and prayers
  • Weekend devotions

With five lessons per week, each week’s lessons can be divided to extend the study for twelve weeks or longer. The study is suitable for individuals or couples and neighborhood or church groups. The book is available through bookstores, Christianbook.com, and amazon.com. Learn more at: www.preparingmyheart.net, where you can also join a grandparenting blog.

Author Lydia E. Harris, grandmother of five, aged newborn to eleven, wrote this hands-on guidebook to encourage others to be intentional about grandparenting. This is her first book, but she has contributed to 13 books and written hundreds of articles, devotionals, book reviews, columns, and personal experience stories.

Let this engaging study equip you to become an intentional grandparent who passes on blessings to future generations. “His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation (Luke 1:50 NIV).

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Here Today, There Tomorrow: Unleashing Your Church’s Potential

by Gary McIntosh

2010 Wesleyan Publishing House

Dr. McIntosh, a leadership expert, provides a step by step approach to developing a strategic plan for your ministry and church. Loaded with case studies, resources and chapter-by-chapter action plans, this practical resource contains everything a pastor needs to understand the planning process; identify the church’s mission, vision, values, and goals; and put it all together in a plan that works in the local setting.

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With Purpose: Going from Success to Significance in Work and Life

Ken Dychtwald, PhD

2009 Harper Collins Publishers

Gerontologist, psychologist and best-selling author, Dr. Ken Dychtwald, challenges readers to commit to having a lasting impact on the world – regardless of age, status or profession.

The definition of success changes as you grow in life. As a child, it meant pleasing your parents; in high school, it may have meant good grades or popularity; as a professioal, success usually means a good salary and the respect of others. But what about the years after your initial goals have been pursued and met? What does success mean then? Leisure or legacy? KD

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A Resilient Life: You Can Move Ahead No Matter What

Gordon MacDonald

2004 Thomas Nelson Publishers

This book is a “must-read” for leaders who are guiding those in the second half of life in finding renewed calling and purpose. MacDonald focuses on the characteristics of people who are resilient and “go the distance.”

In his own words:

In the great race of life, there are some Christ-followers who stand out from all the rest. I call them the resilient ones. The further they run, the stronger they get. They seem to possess these spiritual qualities:

They are committed to finishing strong.
They run inspired by a big-picture view of life.
They run free of the weight of the past,
They run confidently, trained to go the distance.
They run in the company of a “happy few.” pp. vii

A Resilient Life will challenge you to run the race marked out for you with endurance, gratitude and victory.

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Who Stole My Church? What to Do When the Church You Love Tries to Enter the 21st Century

by Gordon MacDonald

2007 Thomas Nelson Publishers

Gordon MacDonald artistically paints a picture of the turmoil many feel as our churches “try to enter the 21st century” in his recent fiction (really, a fiction?) entitled Who Stole My Church? The book cover says it all, “This is a fictional story that reflects the all-too-real situation of many church communities today, where loyal and long-standing members can feel pushed aside by the new demands of evangelism in the twenty-first century.”

Here’s an excerpt from the introduction:

All of us who gathered in the Commons that evening shared a common history: We’d been raised by parents who had persevered through the Great Depression and fought (or supported the soldiers) in World War II. We could remember a time when most homes had only one telephone, if any, and when an extension phone (once a common term) was considered a luxury. We could recall summertime polio epidemics, radio dramas, and President Truman. We had grown up afraid of communists, curious about UFOs, and envious of anyone owning a 1949 Ford with twin Hollywood mufflers. Another thing we all had in common was that we were all church people, Christian in our life commitment. All of us had years and years of history invested in organized religious life. And more than a few in the group–I was an exception–had been a part of this particular church since infancy….We were descendants of a passing Christian culture. We could swap stories of memorable Billy Graham campaigns. We often reminisced about our Saturday night dates at Youth for Christ rallies. And we were quite familiar with traditional church functions: midweek prayer services, VBS, Watch Night services on New Year’s eve, and sunrise services on Easter morning to which we were dragged by parents whose lives were defined by the church calendar….We’d all been to summer camp, and we’d sung and even acted in Christmas cantatas.Our histories also included missionary festivals, prophecy conferences, and Bible exposition weekends. We were taught from our earliest days that the standard for biblical giving was the tithe: 10 percent of our earnings…. When the church opens its doors, we have always shown up…. That is, until lately. Now something may be changing in our generational ranks. Faithful people who always used to be as dependable as the ocean tides on the Maine coast are beginning to signal a bit of annoyance with their churches. And their gifts and their faithfulness in attendance are beginning to fray at the edges. (p. xiv-xvi)

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MEET P.K. Beville, M.S., AT ILC—ATLANTA!

P.K. is a geriatric specialist and consultant. Her organization seeks to fulfill the dreams of those living in elder care communities. This dynamic presentation helps participants understand some of the dynamics of aging and provides practical tools for effective ministry. Read about Second Wind Dreams in the BAM Resource Center. Also read her July 06, 2010 Washington Post article: “Caregivers get training that simulates sensory and memory losses of dementia.”

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Enhancing the quality of life … changing the perception of aging.

P.K. Beville, M.S.

Second Wind Dreams™ is a non-profit organization founded in 1997 and based in Alpharetta, Georgia.  Its mission is, through the fulfillment of dreams and innovative educational programs, to enhance the quality of life for those living in Eldercare Communities and change the perception of aging.

The program began with the work of geriatric specialist P.K. Beville, M.S., who co-authored Second Wind, a heart-warming novel about people living in a nursing home.  Second Wind Dreams offers hope and encouragement to those who are unable to attain their dreams without assistance.

Partnering with private citizens, civic groups and businesses, nearly 450 “Dreamweavers” (facilitators) in 40 states, India, Canada and Israel have made over 4,500  dreams come true – from the simple request for a new dress to wear to church to the lifelong dream of being united with an estranged loved one.

Second Wind Dreams commitment to education was again seen in the launch of the Virtual Dementia Tour, a hands on experience that allows participants to what it might feel like to have dementia.  The goal is to help caregivers provide better care.

Dreams Fall into Six Categories

Relationship-Based Dreams reunite a resident with friends and family members they may not have seen in a long time. One resident had not seen his brother in over 40 years!  Approximately 12% of the dreams are this kind.

Life-Long Dreams involve such achievements as yearning to play the piano again, swimming with dolphins or going to Graceland.  Approximately 8% of dreams fall into this category.

Dreams to Relive Past Experiences may mean a simple trip to a favorite restaurant, receiving paint supplies so a resident can enjoy their hobby again, or feeling needed when memories about a career are relived.  These represent 15% of fulfilled dreams.

Dreams for Fun make up 48% of those fulfilled.  Residents want to go to “The Price Is Right,” drive a go-cart or ride all the roller coasters at an amusement park.

Need-Based Dreams provide for those who have no financial ability to provide the simplest things for themselves — a cup holder for a wheelchair, a new pair of shoes or an appropriate dress for attending church again.   These represent 15% of the dreams.

A Dream to do something for someone else makes up approximately 2% of the dreams fulfilled each year.  Things such as inviting a choir to sing for everyone, or learning sign-language to communicate with a deaf friend are examples of this category.

Enhancing Quality of Life

Second Wind Dreams™ focuses on those living in eldercare communities since these seniors are most in need of assistance.  Family support may be non-existent and discretionary funds unavailable, especially for Medicaid-supported seniors. These are the ones who will benefit most from a dream fulfilled.

A lack of dreams and goals can have physical as well as mental consequences.  By fulfilling dreams, Second Wind Dreams™ volunteers improve the quality of residents’ lives by stimulating them, both physically and mentally, and provide much-needed special attention.

Improving the Perception of Aging

As each dream unfolds, members of the local community experience the perspective of older adults and gain a greater appreciation for their stage of life.  Often this new perception leads to long-lasting partnerships with facilities and special relationships with residents.  Long after the dream has been fulfilled, the effects linger, according to Beville, giving all involved a “Second Wind.”





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Intergenerational ministry takes relationship building

Missy Buchanan

Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center

Not long ago, I sat in a whale-watching boat in the blue waters of Washington State. Our captain told us about the pod of whales we were following. Known as the J pod, the family group was led by 60-year-old Ruffles and his 90-year-old mother. Trailing behind them were other members of the pod. Together they represented four, maybe five generations.

As the boat’s engine went silent, we began to scan the water for dorsal fins and tail slaps. The captain explained how these whales formed lifelong bonds and helped care for one another. In many ways, it seemed to parallel the full family of God. I continued to think about the whales and about mixing ages in intergenerational ministry. I wondered what that kind of ministry is and what is it not.

I posed the question to the Rev. Tom Beagan, a United Methodist minister from the Detroit Conference who is the director of The Logos Ministry, which trains church leaders for effective family ministry. Mr. Beagan says that just because a church has mixed ages in worship or in fellowship does not mean intergenerational ministry is taking place.

If relationships among people of all ages are not being intentionally built and strengthened, he says, and if young and old are not serving side-by-side, it is not authentic intergenerational ministry. Intergenerational ministry stands in contrast to much of our culture, Mr. Beagan adds. Think about it. Most schools and sports teams are divided into age brackets. Even churches segregate ministries by age. Children and youth have their own ministry staff and meeting spaces; adults have their own.

Though age separations are reasonable and necessary at times, they can easily become a barrier to becoming the true body of Christ. How then do we break down those generational barriers that keep us from being a full family of God?

The Rev. Ann Willet, senior pastor of FUMC Royse City, Texas, talks about her vision of having worship led by people of all generations—and not just on special occasions. She encourages multi-aged, small-group Bible studies as one way to cross the generational divide. She also described the magic of seeing gray heads worshipping next to their young faith partners as a vital part of the confirmation experience.

The Rev. Jennifer Scott, pastor of children’s ministries of FUMC Coppell, Texas, recognized the potential of intergenerational ministry when she first paired older adults with younger folks as prayer partners. As mixed generations regularly met together to pray in the chapel, bonds were formed between the age groups. She has also organized her church’s first Intergenerational Mission Retreat.

Both pastors agree that building relationships between young and old is more important now than ever before, because many children and youth have limited interaction with older relatives who live far away. Unless the church is deliberate in its intergenerational ministry efforts, there may be little opportunity for younger folks to bond with older adults.

True intergenerational ministry requires churches to rethink the way they are doing current ministries, says Mr. Beagan. Instead of youth-only mission trips, consider church-wide mission trips that are planned by the youth, but open to all.

Instead of nursing home ministries carried out by active retirees, ask children’s choirs to participate alongside their older counterparts in providing monthly worship services. Youth might use their computer skills to teach older adults how to e-mail and explore the Internet.

There is tremendous strength in intergenerational ministry. Not as another program, but as a way of being the church at its best. Start small, if you must, to build relationships among the generations. Encourage young and old to serve alongside each other. Whatever you do, don’t wait. Just start!

Reprinted with permission United Methodist Reporter
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is author of the upcoming Talking with God in Old Age: Meditations and Psalms (Upper Room Books).

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SMALL BITES

. . . adventures in downsizing

with Jan Kinzel

Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center

A true friend is good to find – and tough times define true friends. It’s been said that there are friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime. It’s good to put this in perspective in order to understand the various reactions people have to your changed circumstances. The best friends don’t tell you how to fix it (that can come later) or say that “it will all turn out okay” (even though that is the likely case), rather they offer words of kindness and affirmation without recrimination. They call frequently just to make sure you are okay and to see if they can help with anything. They treat you to dinner – in or out.

Downsizing is very demanding emotionally and physically. Friends who came with helpers and large vehicles to take away furniture and items that had been purchased or given were more than a blessing. They saved us from being overwhelmed and made the moving days with the professional packers and movers so much less confusing. When this first came up, these few wonderful friends said they would be there to help and they were – amazingly. That was ‘where the rubber meets the road’ friendship and it beautifully displayed the practical side of loving friendship.

One couple in our circle of friends invited a few other couples for an Italian dinner to celebrate our move to the Tuscan style condominium. We were the guests of honor. What a great show of friendship and love – so appreciated!  The host prepared an Italian trivia test for us – it was a delight!  The food was terrific and the evening was light and fun – a true break from our tortuous tasks!

All of these generous and loving acts are humbling and instill in me a desire to be a better person. Being more sensitive to my friends’ needs and acting on those promptings make me glad. I guess the old adage of ‘walking a mile in someone else’s shoes’ fits and as the shoe fits I will gladly wear it! (I also like to buy them in every color – if it fits!)

MENU

Sit with a good friend and share a cup of tea or coffee, some biscotti and a good heart to heart chat.


RECIPE

A pantry stocked with the following items will yield opportunities for instant hospitality.

Variety of tea blends – Earl Grey, Decaffeinated Constant Comment Orange Spice, herbal blends, Caffé D’ Vita Mocha Cappuccino (Find this in canisters at Costco).

A large container of almond biscotti plain or dipped in chocolate (Also at Costco). Offer the tea selections in a basket with ‘friendly’ tea cups along with a teapot of steaming water and a cheerful plate of biscotti; add some lovely placemats and napkins and relax with your friend.

As you permit your very good friend to minister help and support, a deeper bond and trust will grow between the two of you. Enjoy the special time together.

Tip: Don’t judge your friends based on their reactions. You never know what’s going on in their lives.

. . . there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).

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Pastor to Senior Adults, First Evangelical Free Church, Fullerton CA

John Coulombe has been in pastoral ministry since Judson Baptist College and Biola/Talbot Seminary days, working with youth in Redondo Beach and Long Beach and for 17 years with youth and families in Santa Barbara. For 21 years at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, CA, John has served as Pastor to Senior Adults. He and Jacque teach in churches and conferences on issues surrounding marriage, family and grandparenting. They have 2 married sons and 7 grandchildren.

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