WE can BE A BRIDGE … LEADING PEOPLE TO HIM.

Alice Kalso

I love word plays, especially describing Boomers.

Here’s my favorite: Boomers are the bridge.

I stumbled on this analogy a decade ago in a book ahead of its time called The Sandwich Years. Author Dennis Gibson coined the phrase. It works for me.

If you’re a Boomer, or the parent of a Boomer, close your eyes. Picture a bridge:  an Indiana red covered bridge, the Golden Gate bridge, a floating bridge, a suspension bridge. In our families, Boomers are like bridges because:

1. Boomers connect people. Boomers share so many rich memories with their parents: church potlucks with jello salads and homemade desserts, shuffleboard, ping-pong and church baseball games. And who could forget cake and punch wedding receptions hosted by the Ladies’ Missionary Society?  Or church services twice on Sunday? Yet Boomers also share experiences with the younger set: taking sermon notes on an I-Pad, “reading the Bible” on an electronic device, and corresponding instantly with missionaries around the world. The Boomers’ breadth of knowledge and experience allows them to reach out to old and young and explain cultural differences.  They can also interpret the medical world to their aging parents, and advocate on their behalf.

2. Boomers are resilient. Having weathered the test of time, Christian Boomers stand strong. Many have lost loved ones, endured layoffs and triumphed over other disappointments, with God’s help. In the process, they’ve learned much from the “school of hard knocks.”  Patience, gratitude, encouragement, joy. By testing God’s faithfulness and finding it rock solid, they face tomorrow with optimism. This is no pie-in-the-sky theology that denies difficulties and trials. Instead, it focuses on Christ’s ability to move us and change us through difficult situations. No matter how hard things are, Boomers realize that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”  (Psalm 30:5). That unshakable belief centers them.

3. Boomers are approachable. Young adults and the frail elderly are often self-focused for different reasons. The young ones are launching, whether starting careers, finding a life partner, or raising children. These monumental tasks require virtually all their efforts. The older generation has other issues. Their bodies, plagued by physical ailments, require far more attention than before. In addition, they face the death of friends, spouses and dreams. They are waning. Boomers are the go-to people for both generations, able to offer advice and help. Old and young alike have faith in this middle group, precisely because of their firm foundation that will endure.

Yet there is a darker side to being a bridge. “Sometimes Boomers feel walked on from both sides,” Gibson writes. Demands race at them from both the generation above and below, resulting in an emotional traffic jam. This “intergenerational traffic jam” happened to me 12 years ago, when my very frail parents arrived for a 10-day visit. Our agenda was over the top with two graduations, our parent’s surprise 50^th wedding anniversary celebration, and our oldest daughter’s wedding. Father’s Day capped it off.

I hadn’t seen Mother and Daddy in a while. What a shock when I met them at the airport! My best-laid plans suddenly came to a halt, and daily minor medical emergencies took center stage. “I need a Fleet enema NOW!” my Dad moaned from time to time. Until then, I knew nothing about such things. But I learned quickly. Another day Mother tumbled out of the car onto the grass, flat on her back. No broken bones, just her pride. Then there were the usual requests from our teens and the bride.

The wedding went well. Daddy’s biggest fear—that he’d trip down the aisle—didn’t happen. At the end of the visit, I felt so many conflicting emotions. I was glad to see them, proud that our children had been so accepting, sad at their frailty and especially that I hadn’t been physically present to notice their decline. On a personal level, I felt splintered and broken. I needed to repair the bridge.

A helpful book on this subject is The How of Happiness by research scientist and author, Sonja Lyubomirsky. In her highly documented and readable The How of Happiness, she distills years of empirical research on the science of happiness, compiling the results of many studies over time on ‘happiness’—what makes some people content while others are less so, and what people can do to improve their happiness level. Here are some of the ways she suggests happy people use to repair their bridge that were helpful to me.

Happy people:

1. Express gratitude. Thankfulness brings back well being after loss, fatigue and overload, says Lyubomirsky. It strengthens moral behavior, enabling us to do the right thing, even when others, including older and younger generations, might not respond positively. No wonder the Bible contains so many admonitions to “Give thanks.”

2. Avoid ‘overthinking.’ This is an area I have to give to the Lord, as it’s easy to second-guess my decisions or mull over problems which can’t be resolved. I agree with Lyubomirsky that ruminating about an issue heightens sorrow, impairs our ability to solve problems and saps motivation. Whenever I find myself ‘overthinking,’ I tell myself, “Stop!” If I’m diligent, the pattern will cease.

3. Suppress negative emotion. Happy people “schedule” their negative emotions. For example, if I feel sadness, I say to myself, “Sadness, I can’t see you now. I’ll see you after supper.” Then at the appropriate time, I can pour my heart out to the Lord. Scheduling negative emotions allows me to express them and still function throughout the day.

4. Practice their faith. It’s probably no surprise that prayerful people tend to live longer. They have higher deposits of hope, gratitude and love. Especially helpful are prayers that those which go beyond asking for things. Seeking God’s presence daily makes us happy. Here Lyubomirsky agrees with so many Scriptures.

The best example of such a ‘bridge’ is our Lord himself. To borrow words from Simon and Garfunkel’s song so popular with Boomers in the late 60s, Jesus is our “Bridge Over Troubled Waters.” He gave of Himself to all generations, feeding people physically and spiritually, healing the sick, connecting his disciples to each other, and ultimately bridging the gap between sinful humanity and a righteous God. And when He felt spent, He knew how to repair, spending time alone with His Father.

Even at the end of His life, He continued to bring together old and young. Suffering incalculable agony, Jesus nevertheless turned from his pain to gaze at His mother. “Behold your son,” He said.  And to His best friend John, Jesus said, “Behold your mother.” These two took the advice of their advocate, their example, their ‘bridge.’ John took Mary into his own home for the rest of her life.

What a legacy Jesus left us! No matter our generation, we are given the power to reconcile others to God, to be a bridge leading people to Him.

Alice Kalso is Director of Marketing for an affordable retirement community in Bellevue, Washington.  She has written on family issues for 25 years, publishing in Christian and secular newspapers and magazines.  Her new blog, www.boomersguidetoeldercare.com, addresses the relationship between adult children and their aging parents.