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Sometimes it takes a flood to drive a point home.

Wes Wick

My heart has no desire to stay, where doubts arise and fears dismay.
Though some may dwell where these abound, my prayer, my aim, is higher ground.

Lord, lift me up and let me stand, by faith on Heaven’s table land.
A higher plain than I have found: Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

 - from Higher Ground, by Hymn Writer Johnson Oatman, Jr.

 

El Niño packed a punch and flooded our home office twice last year, once in October and again in January.

Flood me once, shame on El Niño; flood me twice, shame on me.

Obviously, the right solution did not sink in the first time around.  It was my heart that sank as a hundred gallons of rainwater again saturated our floor and carpet. “Where did I go wrong this time?” I wondered.

Living in a redwood forest at the base of the Santa Cruz Mountains has both overwhelming challenges and beauty, much like the later seasons of life. And, as much as I like being right, I learned the hard way that my approach to our flooding problem was all wet!

Count it all joy! Through the storm, the Lord showered me with fresh perspective on how easy it is to approach problems too narrowly and neglect solutions at a higher plain.

 

Taking the Battle Upstream

. . . I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations. . .    Deuteronomy 5:9 (NKJV)

When plagued with outside water in our downstairs office several years ago, I installed a small, interior French drain and raised the floor in half the room to resolve the occasional trickle that made its way into the lower story of our home. This was a costly, low level approach, but took care of the problem where it surfaced inside. Or so I thought.

Returning home to a flood in October, I discovered a downspout on the uphill side of our home was clogged. After pulling up our carpet and living in mild chaos for a week, I cleared the gutter, downspout and accompanying drain. Addressing the problem at a second level gave me a short-lived sense of overconfidence in my flood management skills.

When torrential downpours caused more flooding in January, wisdom slowly and uncharacteristically prevailed. I called a friend. He in turn called a couple more friends, and we had a party in the rain. As we know from Proverbs, there is victory in an abundance of counselors (and workers!).

The interior French drain was not draining water fast enough. It appeared this lowest and smallest drain had failed Checking outside we saw that the gutter and downspouts were draining properly. This next-to-last generation of flood defense was working just fine. We then noticed rainwater from the hillside cascading over a retaining wall, never reaching the drain pipe at its base. Attacking this grandfather-level of flood prevention, we began digging extra trenches at the bottom of the hillside.

While watching water continuing to slosh unabated down our slope, I vaguely recalled seeing a catch basin up the hill about twenty yards away.  We trekked uphill and saw a considerable volume of water streaming into the catch basin and down a ten-inch pipe. This single basin and large pipe were diverting more water than all the lower drains combined! Yet, because of years of neglect, the basin was failing to capture and re-direct about a third of the water coming its way. It took only five minutes of shoveling around this first line of defense to help the catch basin do its full job. Once this problem was corrected, we were able to stop digging trenches at the base of the hill. And then, in spite of a continuing downpour, the water flowing into the interior French drain slowed to a faint trickle.

Because the first line of defense was working properly, we were able to see that the final line of defense was also working.  It hadn’t failed as we originally surmised.

 

What did I take away from this experience besides a soggy carpet, sore back and bruised ego?

  1. I learned my direct and even bi-level approaches were inadequate.
  2. I wrongfully assumed that the last line of flooding defense had completely failed.
  3. My expensive, relatively high tech solution at the spot where the problem was most visible had some value. But when things got real stormy, it alone was not the bridge over troubled waters.
  4. While each level of flooding defense was critical, devoting attention to the first line of defense some distance away proved to be the least costly and most effective solution. Put in place by the designer of our home, it was a critical part of the solution I had neglected for years.

 

Amaziah the Righteous, Half-Hearted King

The great grandpa, Catch Basin, in our rainforest adventure reminded my wife and me of this Old Testament king:

 Amaziah (King of Judah) did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but not wholeheartedly.  Chronicles 25:2 (NIV)

 

Much like the catch basin uphill and away from our home, many great grandparents are doing what’s right, but not wholeheartedly. Holding back from loving God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength, their shallow devotion may be spawning disaster for those downstream.

One of the most strategic steps we can take as church leaders is helping to direct these great grandparents and grandparents in the faith toward wholehearted devotion.

Every line of defense is vital in shielding our youngest generations from the floodgates of sin. Churches tend to invest heavily at the youngest levels and often ignore or pacify the upper end of the age spectrum.

How often we fail to see the connection between half-hearted, later-life devotion and the problems of young people immersed in sin and absent from church life!

Most seasoned Christians seem to be living right. They certainly don’t activate the flood sirens. Because of their advancing age we give them a pass on spiritual half-heartedness, ignoring the negative trickle-down effect on younger generations. The oldest among us may not need the same kind of spiritual attention as the youngest, but their strategic potential for disciple-making, modeling, resourcing and inspiration cannot be overlooked.

Many older adults within our churches suffer from years of neglect and presumption, much like how I treated our forgotten catch basin up the hill. I hadn’t given that basin a single drop of attention since moving into our home twelve years ago. It seemed far removed and irrelevant. I just assumed it was doing what it was supposed to do!

Foolishly, the first line of defense was the last solution I considered.

The Church faces a flood of challenges with consequences far more devastating than damaged floor covering. Let’s make sure we’re giving attention to every generation’s line of defense.

Wholeheartedly.

 

Wes Wick along with his wife, Judy, are co-founders of YES! Young Enough to Serve, an organization that celebrates the joy of extended fruitfulness. YES! helps harness the gifts of longevity, health, wisdom and life experience of adults in life’s later seasons. Learn more at www.yestoserve.org. Wes recently joined The CASA Network Board of Directors. 

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Index Card Insights

Missy Buchanan

 

I often have the opportunity to lead older adult retreats around the country. During the events of the day, I like to mix in activities that cause older adults to honestly reflect on their lives. Sometimes I give each senior adult a large index card and ask them to write ten ways they do NOT want to be remembered after they die. Usually I can see their eyes cut toward one another as if they are anxious to know what others are writing. There are always a few muffled comments before the group draws quiet and begins to really think and write.

For those who choose to share their comments with the group, there are common responses, like not wanting to be remembered as mean or grumpy. One man wrote that he did not want to be remembered as a liar or a cheat. Sometimes people write about not wanting to be remembered as uncaring, selfish, lazy or as someone filled with self-pity.

Typically, the further older adults go down their list of ten things, the more personal their responses seem to become. I remember one woman who got misty-eyed as she explained that she did not want to be remembered as someone her grandchildren dreaded to visit. She went on to confess that as she had aged, she had developed a critical spirit that had driven her family away.

A silver-haired great-grandmother wrote that she didn’t want to be remembered as an old woman who spent all day in a wheelchair and talked only about the past. A 90 year-old man using a cane said that he didn’t want to be remembered as someone the caregivers dreaded to help. Another man drew serious, then talked about not wanting to be remembered as a pompous know-it-all who lectured his children and grandchildren at every opportunity.

Over the years, I have discovered that this activity often hits a nerve for many older adults. Like holding a mirror in front of your face, it can be painful to recognize ourselves in the answers. Yet it offers a great opportunity for change.

Not long ago, a woman told me that she carries the worn index card in her purse as a reminder of how she doesn’t want to behave. The exercise had made her stop and think about how she talks to her daughter and grandchildren. She realized that she had been behaving in ways that were contradictory to building the healthy relationships she wanted to have. She confessed that she had been a nit-picker for much of her late life, but she discovered that it wasn’t too late to stop. The card, she said, was her daily reminder.

The point is, when you look at a situation in reverse, there is a good chance that you will discover a deep well of truth. By looking at the question of how you do NOT want to be remembered after you die, you may see things in yourself that you’d rather not see. But that is just the beginning! Once you see yourself more clearly, you are better able to make changes that will impact your life and the lives of others in a positive way, no matter your age. So, go ahead. Give the exercise a try and see for yourself.

 

Missy Buchanan writes a monthly column, “Aging Well,” for the United Methodist Reporter and hosts Aging and Faith with Missy Buchanan on Blog Talk Radio. She has also written for many publications including Presbyterians Today, Christian Association Serving Adults Ministries and Good Morning America’s spirituality page. Read more at www.missybuchanan.com. 

Reprinted with permission from MinistryMatters.com.

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Staying Alert to Life’s Simple Blessings

Missy Buchanan

 

A few years ago, an older friend lost his wife to a sudden, unexpected illness and death. He was overwhelmed with grief and wondered how he would go on living without her.

One of their old friends phoned him when she first heard the news. She was living in Europe at the time and had been unable to return for the memorial service. They talked for a while, and she voiced her heartfelt condolences before making an unusual request. She asked my friend to send her an e-mail each day listing three blessings that he had experienced during the last twenty-four hours.

My brokenhearted friend said it was not something he really wanted to do. It was difficult to think about blessings when he didn’t even feel like getting out of bed. Still, he tried. Over the next few days, he began to list things like the morning sunrise, the smell of fresh-brewed coffee and a bowl of homemade soup shared by a neighbor. A few days later he noticed the first bloom on the rose bush and the way golden light spilled across his wife’s photograph in the late afternoon.

After weeks of emailing his friend a list of daily blessings, he says he felt his spirit slowly being lifted from the pit of despair. It didn’t happen overnight, but one day he realized that he was actually enjoying looking for simple blessings. Though he still misses his wife terribly, he says the blessing activity was key to helping him want to live once again.

There are many other older adults who are also grieving losses. For some like my friend, it is the death of a spouse or loved one. For others, it is the loss of independence and mobility that accompanies aging, including giving up the keys to the car. Some may also mourn the loss of their homes and belongings, and all that is familiar as they transition to new living situations.

As Thanksgiving approaches, it seems the perfect time to invite older adults to discover blessings that often go overlooked. When I speak to senior adult groups at churches or at residence centers, I encourage the older adults to keep a blessing book, a journal in which they write a set number of blessings each day.  Being intentional in keeping a written account of blessings helps one to create a habit of looking at life with eyes of gratitude.

The church should not forget that even the most faithful saints grow weary under the weight of depression or sadness that often comes as they grow frail or experience loss. Helping seniors actively look for blessings in their midst is an important part of ministry to the aged. I can’t help but think of how wonderful it would be if every church provided a special blessing journal for each of its older adults? Or if churches developed a blessing buddy ministry in which seniors share their blessings with another person like my friend did?

May we be people who will come alongside our elders who are struggling in the journey. May we help them to see God’s faithfulness in their lives. For if we do, we, too, will be blessed.

 

Missy Buchanan writes a monthly column, “Aging Well,” for the United Methodist Reporter and hosts Aging and Faith with Missy Buchanan on Blog Talk Radio.  She has also written for many publications including Presbyterians Today, Christian Association Serving Adults Ministries and Good Morning America’s spirituality page. Read more at www.missybuchanan.com. 

Reprinted with permission from MinistryMatters.com

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Finding the Positives in a Significant Change

Linda Sasser, Ph.D.

 

“It will be gone before you know it. The fingerprints on the wall appear higher and higher. Then suddenly they disappear.” Dorothy Evslin

One woman was describing her first grocery shopping trip after her youngest child had left for college. She said she reached into the dairy cooler, pulled out a gallon of milk and suddenly realized she no longer needed that quantity. She burst into tears and had to leave the store without completing her shopping.

If you have recently become empty nesters, you are probably being asked, “What’s it like?” or “Are you coping alright?” Many parents begin to become anxious at the thought of an “empty nest” once their youngest child has vacated the home. It is definitely a change in lifestyle, the emptynest syndrome, but it doesn’t have to be negative.

 

Benefits

The first thing most empty nesters notice is that the house is quieter. You can get to bed earlier because there’s no more loud music, the clatter of young people arriving and leaving, the TV or talking keeping you awake. And it’s easier to fall asleep when you’re not worrying about whether your teenager will make it home safely. An added benefit—the car is available when you need it! One extremely noticeable difference is at dinner: you and your spouse alone, facing each other across the table, wondering what to talk about.

 

Becoming Friends

In Song of Songs 5:16, his lover calls Solomon her “friend.” The empty nest can be a time to become “friends,” to renew and deepen your friendship with your spouse. Without interruptions from children, you can have longer and more meaningful conversations. Since you are no longer attending school activities and meetings, you can use evenings to go on dates again. Or you might start traveling by yourselves and rekindle the romance of your pre-parenting years! Another upside is simplified meal preparation (e.g. one meal is enough for two nights of dinners). Eating out can be spontaneous and will cost less.

The empty nest is generally not the same experience for dad as it is for mom, especially if dad is still at his job all day and mom is primarily a homemaker. For her, the added time can be used to resume or start a career or to pursue hobbies and projects she didn’t have time for with children underfoot. Dads get phone calls from fledglings whenever one of them has a computer problem or needs advice on technology purchases (digital cameras, iPods or iPads, cell phones). Moms get the calls during peak emotional times (roommate crises, boyfriend/girlfriend concerns, stress overload). Fortunately, our generation benefits from technology that allows you to stay connected with our children via email, Skype, online chats, and texting (assuming we have learned how to text!).

 

Continued Prayer 

You can spend some of your newlyfound extra time praying more for your children. Job “would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, ‘Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.’ This was Job’s regular custom” (Job 1:5b, NIV). You might also consider spending more time in ministry, finding new ways to serve the Lord through church or community involvement. A blessing you may experience is seeing your grown children making responsible choices and wise decisions. Many will see their offspring walking closely with the Lord and making their relationship with Him a priority, even though they no longer dwell at home. You can breathe a sigh of relief when you see your positive influence being lived out in their lives, as Proverbs 22:6 suggests: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (NIV)

 

Dr. Sasser serves as Professor of Education at Judson University in Elgin, IL. She also speaks for conferences, community groups, and professional organizations on cognitive aging, brain health, and memory. She can be contacted at lsasser@judsonu.edu. 

Copyright 2005 Linda Sasser. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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The Elephant

by Missy Buchanan

 

There’s an elephant in the room.  It’s enormous, and many church leaders are ignoring it because they don’t know what to do about it. It’s time to look the elephant in the eye.  The church is aging quickly, and senior adult ministries are struggling.  Whew.  It’s been said.  Now can we talk about it?

The trend is nothing new.  Church leadership has known for years that people are living longer and that congregations are graying.  There’s been lots of talk about how to get younger leadership involved as a way to reinvigorate the church. But few people seem to be considering the far reaching implications for ministry to the fast growing population of senior adults.

Jack Phelps, Associate Pastor at Crestview Baptist Church in Georgetown, TX, knows the issues well.  There are more than 500 senior adults in his congregation in a city known for its retirement communities.  “ I truly believe that the greatest challenge facing churches today is simply understanding that the population is graying and that church memberships are graying at an even faster rate.”  “Though most churches have a minister responsible for a youth program, few have a minister assigned to the seniors.  Almost none have a minister who is trained to do so,” continues Phelps, whose seminary degree includes a concentration in gerontology.

Aubrey Patterson, retired minister and currently the chaplain at Rest Haven Funeral Home in Rockwall, TX, agrees, noting that many churches have a pastoral care minister whose title includes senior adult ministries.

“The problem is that these pastors are stretched thin, trying to minister to congregants of all ages who are ill or hospitalized plus regularly visiting the homebound and senior care residents.  Add to that organizing senior adult fellowship events and retreats, Sunday School classes and Bible studies.  It’s no wonder the church needs to seriously rethink how it is doing senior adult ministry.”

No doubt, church leaders would agree that ministry was not intended to be done by professional staff alone.  Both Phelps and Patterson enthusiastically recount how senior adults are great at caring for other seniors who are less able — a ministry of seniors caring for seniors.  But as the population of elderly explodes, there is concern about whether or not the church is equipped to handle the surge and the complexity of issues.

Dr. Richard Gentzler, Director of the Center on Aging and Older Adult Ministries for The United Methodist Church, suggests one problem is that many congregations are afraid of being labeled as dying churches if they emphasize senior adult ministries. But Gentzler maintains that churches without senior adults are missing a great resource of wisdom and life experience.

Patterson agrees, adding that some churches also make the mistake of lumping all senior adults into one ministry.  “The needs and abilities of an active 70-year old are quite different from a homebound 88-year old.  It is not a one-size-fits-all ministry.” Even defining senior ministry by age can miss the mark since physical abilities, not age, tend to identify senior adult subsets.  Gentzler refers to the subgroups of senior adults as the go-gos, the slow-gos and the no-gos, perhaps providing a more realistic way to discuss the unique needs of each group.

 

Tim Washburn, Senior Adult Pastor at First Baptist Church of Jackson, Mississippi considers reaching the Boomers as one of the greatest challenges facing the church.  “People in their fifties and sixties typically reject the notion of aging.  They especially resist cutesy ministry names that try to disguise the senior identity.  Getting this group plugged in and keeping them from feeling old is going to be a real challenge for the church in the near future.”

Even so, boomers are already faced with issues involving their own aging parents. Much of Phelps’ ministry involves helping families navigate real life concerns about older loved ones.  What should be the church’s role in helping Dad give up the keys to the car?  How do you convince a weary spouse that she needs more care for her husband with Alzheimer’s?  How can you help siblings work together in the best interest of their older family members, especially when there are unresolved issues that fester up in times of crisis?

Then there is the issue of unchurched seniors.  Patterson says his position as a chaplain has brought to light a surprising number of older adults who have no church home at all.  “Many are struggling with deep spiritual issues and are longing for relationship with someone who will just sit and talk.”  And what about newly planted churches with few or no senior adult members?  How will they respond to the needs of older adults in the community?  Or what about churches with small memberships and only one pastor?

 

Certainly the church can no longer ignore the elephant in the room.  Effective senior adult ministry will take more than good intentions to meet the spectrum of challenges and opportunities. Phelps believes that creating a true Biblical model of an intergenerational church should be the top priority.

“At my church in Georgetown, TX, we encourage social interaction between age groups and serving one another.  The youth serve as waiters at the senior adult banquet, and the senior adults serve over 20,000 meals and snacks to the 1,000 children attending our summer camp.  Our young children create hand made greetings cards that our weekly visitation teams delivers to shut-ins.”

Washburn concurs that serving one another is key. His church’s senior choir sponsors a Christmas party at the church for almost 700 homebound and nursing home residents, helping with decorations, food and transportation.  He also notes that it is vital to find ways to keep older adults connected to the church.  “We are exploring ways to use the Internet to keep our seniors in residence centers connected to their Sunday School rooms.”

It’s true that the elephant in the room stirs up a lot of complicated issues, but the scriptural mandate is clear.  It’s time for the church to start talking seriously about senior adult ministry.  It’s time to ask the hard questions and wrestle with the difficult answers.

It’s time to eat the elephant.  One bite at a time.

 

Missy Buchanan writes a monthly column, “Aging Well,” for the United Methodist Reporter and hosts Aging and Faith with Missy Buchanan on Blog Talk Radio.  She has also written for many publications including Presbyterians Today, Christian Association Serving Adults Ministries and Good Morning America’s spirituality page. Read more at www.missybuchanan.com.

Reprinted with permission of the United Methodist Reporter, www.umportal.org.

 

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Some Thoughts on Change

by Pastor John Coulombe

 

I read a recent article entitled “12 Things that Became Obsolete This Decade.” It was a stunning read and a wake-up call regarding how quickly our world is changing! Note the facts, and I’m sure we could add to the list:abacus

  1. Calling (replaced with text messaging, Instant Messaging, Tweeting, and emailing).
  2. Classified in newspapers
  3. Dial-up Internet
  4. Encyclopedias
  5. CDs
  6. Landline phones
  7. Film (and film cameras)
  8. Yellow Pages and address books
  9. Catalogs
  10. Fax machines
  11. Wires
  12. Hand-written letters

We feel the pressure to keep up with the times, to stay in touch with our world and the people in our world. After all, the Scriptures seem to be clear regarding the importance of ‘world awareness’…the sons of Issachar were men who understood the times, with knowledge of what Israel should do…(1 Chron. 12:32). We’re also reminded that David served God’s purpose in his own generation…(Acts 13:36). That requires awareness.

However, in our quest to connect and continue to grow on our journey, our heads spin and our hearts churn.  Keeping up with life—and the Jones, Garcias, Steins, Vishus, Abduls–is exhausting. So how then shall we live, keep up with the changes, yet stay focused on God’s purposes? Here are a few suggestions.

There is no constant like change. Everything in life changes, and if it doesn’t it dies or becomes meaningless. Look at your plants, fence, car, house, friendships, dreams, marriage. The world constantly changes and what’s true of biology is also true of faith: if it isn’t growing it’s probably dead. When you’re through changing, you’re through!  Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him. See that you go on growing in the Lord (Col. 2:7)

Now for a little theology:  The only constant in life is our God. He is unchanging! God never changes, but wants to change us. For I the Lord, do not change (Mal.3:6). You can’t improve on Him; there’s no ‘new and improved God!’ You don’t mess with perfection. Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb. 13:8). I find great comfort knowing that our God is not fickle, but is trustworthy, cannot lie and will not change the rules. Yes, there is a new covenant which replaced the old covenant, but that was always in the plan and was designed in eternity past to improve the way we could relate to our God (Heb. 6:17-18)!

It is natural and normal to both love and fear change. Mark Twain commented, “the only person who likes change is a wet baby!” In fact, there is even an official phobia called “misoreism” which is a hatred or fear of change or innovation. So here is a reminder. It is vital that there be change, not just around us, but within us. It’s not wrong to be where we are—it’s just wrong to STAY where we are when it comes to relationships, either earthly or heavenly! Change requires trust, trust requires vulnerability and vulnerability requires submission to Christ and one another.

As we move ahead as a church and as the people of God, may we be open to the changes that are necessary in order for us to relate and reach our world with the Gospel. On the other hand may we hold on to those unchanging truths which will never be outdated and will be good for both time and eternity.

 

So then, my beloved…work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Phil. 2:12-14).

 

John Coulombe has been in pastoral ministry since Judson Baptist College and Biola/Talbot Seminary days, working with youth in Redondo Beach and Long Beach, and for 17 years with youth and families in Santa Barbara. For 21 years at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, CA, John has served as Pastor to Senior Adults. He and Jacque teach in churches and conferences on issues surrounding marriage, family and grandparenting.

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Positive Parenting: Family

 by Dr. Dick Hardel

 

My wife, Carolyn and I were invited to a family milestone celebration of the 60th anniversary of the marriage of Irene and Merton Strommen. The invitation stated that the celebration would be at the home of one of the sons of Irene and Mert, there should be no physical gifts, and it would be a family celebration.

I felt so honored to be invited and checked to see if we would be returning from my speaking engagement in time to attend. I was pleased to discover that we could make it just in time. I did not want to miss such an event. Not many have had the privilege of celebrating 60 years of a marriage centered in the love of Christ.

Because our flight from South Carolina was delayed for a short time, Carolyn and I were the last guests to arrive. Cars were parked along the street for blocks. I was still amazed that we were invited. “The invitation said that this was a small celebration for close family, but we aren’t family. I’m not with these people very often,” I thought to myself. As we entered, so many people greeted us by name. If there was a member of the gathering, this family, who did not know us, they were quickly introduced. Two people even said, “I recognize you from your picture in the Metro Lutheran.”

I had become trapped in my own narrow thinking of what it means to be family. So often we only think of blood relatives. Many times at The Youth & Family Institute, where I formerly worked as the Executive Director, our staff had been challenged to use a word other than family in our presentations and our writings. The narrow definition of family as those immediately blood-related, living in the same house has only been with us since World War II. There is no biblical word for family in either the Old Testament Hebrew or the New Testament Greek. The biblical understanding of family goes beyond being related by blood to include households, hired workers, servants, tribes, clans, and even an entire nation.

I have been told that it would be better to use a more inclusive word than family. So I tried phrases like bonded relationships or primary relationships. But they don’t communicate as well as family. The word family comes from the same root word as familiar. One is recognized because she lives closely with another. It is an intimate relationship that stresses closeness rather than the frequency of personal association.

Throughout the anniversary celebration of Irene and Mert Stommen’s marriage, I kept looking around at the family. Many were not related. Many would not even reach the same conclusions over political issues of our day. As the Strommen boys, a quartet, sang faithful songs that shared 60 years of family milestones, we smiled, laughed, and even cried. We could see that the closeness of this family was faith in Jesus Christ through the history of Norwegian piety and the Lutheran Free Church. The grace of God was shining in Irene’s face as she so eloquently spoke of the fun of growing closer in Christ. Even Merton–strong, stoic, Norwegian pietistic male–struggled not to have his voice break with deep emotion of the presence of a gracious God in Jesus Christ, throughout his very well prepared thanksgiving speech.

Family is much more than being related. It is living closely with Jesus Christ. Carolyn and I rejoiced when Irene and Mert invited us back to celebrate their 75th anniversary.

 

Family Activities

1.  If you were planning a wedding anniversary celebration to be held at your house, how many family members could you invite? Who would you invite? Make a list.

2.  A FaithChest® would be a wonderful gift to give at a wedding anniversary milestone celebration. The family stories and photos could be burned on a CD or DVD.

3.  Make a list of the folks that you consider family, those with whom you are familiar and live near. How might you let them know that they are considered family?

4.  Discuss the common thread that weaves and holds your family together. How will you keep that common thread strong?

5.  Whose families are you part of, and yet are not related?

 

Dick is an ordained Lutheran pastor and served as a parish pastor in congregations in South Dakota and Florida, and as assistant to the Bishop of the Nebraska Synod of the ELCA. Since 1994 Dick Hardel has served at The Youth & Family Institute as Executive Director, Director of Vision and Creative Ministry, Director of Wellness Ministries, and now Senior Fellow. 

This article on Positive Parenting was originally written for and published in the Metro Lutheran, a monthly newspaper in the Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN area. For more information about a FaithChest® see Dr. Hardel’s website: www.faithwellmt.com

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“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.”
–Ben Franklin

This last week I received a call from our Jr. High Pastor, Scott Belon, asking whether I could approach our seniors with a request. The cost for Jr. High camp had gone up. For many hit by this depressed economy, more scholarships were needed in order for students to be a part of what could be one of the most life-changing weeks of their spiritual lives. There were two students in particular who needed full scholarships. I sent an email out to some key leaders in our senior group explaining the situation. Now, understand that many of our seniors also live on a limited income source. Several have lost their pensions, and inflation has cut deep into their resources. I sent the email out on a Thursday. By Monday of the following week, we didn’t have money for two students…we had enough for five (that’s close to $2,500.00)!

Whoever believes that older people don’t care for the youth is greatly mistaken. Here at EvFree, our seniors love deeply. They pray hard and they express their support of our youth because they believe in the higher call of God in their lives. We are blessed to be in a church family that loves one another in this way. Way to go, seniors!

This was sent from Pastor John Coulombe, First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton (www.evfreefullerton.com).

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Culture Change…

Leona Bergstrom

Scribbled words on newsprint reflect the concerns adult ministries leaders carry in their hearts as they attended the recent Re-Ignite Network Gathering. It wasn’t hard to identify the top issue, as person after person cast his vote by marking an “X” by the questions:

How can we change the church culture so that aging is valued, not discounted?

How do we create a new vision for ministry in the second half of life?

How can we be proactive instead of reactive?

Great questions, but difficult to answer. Culture change is not about restructuring organizations or programs. It’s about changing the shared beliefs, values and behaviors of the people within that organization. And when it comes to aging, churches today have a long way to go to actually change these. In the field of gerontology there is a growing realization that for too long we have perceived our aging journey as going from active adulthood to decrepit elderhood in one giant leap. However, current thinking establishes a new life stage in which adults may be of “retirement” age, but are far from being frail, feeble and infirm. During this life stage adults have an increasing desire to discover their passions, gifts and abilities and reinvest these in new areas of service. They are flocking to find volunteer opportunities, “encore” careers and intentional mentoring relationships. And organizations around the world are welcoming these seasoned, and sometimes sassy, adults. All too often the church is not the organization that highly values this unnamed generation. Thus, we lose the energy and the spiritual impact that might have been.

Clearly there is a need for culture change. We need to change our shared values, beliefs and behaviors to incorporate all ages and stages of life into the community called the church.

 

Leona Bergstrom is Director of Lifetime Ministries (a division of ChurchHealth), a ministry dedicated to assisting churches in developing powerful and effective programs for and by older adults. Along with her husband, Richard, Leona is co-director of 2nd ½ for Him Ministries of the Baptist General Conference. This article was also published in Converge Worldwide BGC  ”Boomers and Beyond” in May 2011.

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Jodi Detrick

Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center

I’ve been told lately that I sometimes talk in blanks . . .

Sad to say, this accusation has been leveled by members of my own beloved family. I hate to admit it, but they’re right. I will be talking in perfectly fluent English when, suddenly, a word I know as well as my own middle name will escape me.

“Honey, will you go get me the … the … ” (What is that thingamabob called anyway?) I wildly gesture in the general direction of the desired object, hoping that will be enough of a clue to identify the article I want. My daughter just rolls her eyes.

“You’re talking in blanks again, Mom! Use your words!” This can happen outside the family setting as well, and it’s even more unnerving then. Recently, I was addressing a group of church leaders:

“It occurs to me that the really important thing, the, uh, the … ” (What was that word again? Is it “crush,” or “crust”? No, no that’s not it! Think, Jodi. Everyone is staring at you, waiting for you to spit it out. CRUX! That’s it! Crux!) “the crux of the matter is … is … .” Too late.

Now that I’ve finally figured out the right word, I’ve forgotten my point entirely and I’m talking in blanks again. It would be nice if people would just fill those in without reminding me about things like menopause and the likelihood of escalating forgetfulness in the years ahead.

Memory is tricky. Why is it that we often remember what we’d rather forget and forget what we want to keep in mind? I’m not sure, but I know there are many verses in the Bible that tell us to remember certain things.

“And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

” … remember the poor … ”

“Remember the prisoners as if chained with them … ”

One of the most important observances or worship rituals in the Christian faith, Communion, is based upon a reminder. (It can also be called Holy Communion, the Lord’s Supper, the Eucharist, and the Sacrament of Communion, among other names.)

Within the various facets of Christianity, the observance of Communion differs slightly. For some, it is observed weekly. For others, it is offered monthly or even irregularly.

Some churches require participants to be a certain age, to have completed prerequisite classes or to be a member of that congregation. For others, open Communion is practiced, which means participants need only have expressed faith in Christ.

The actual receiving of Communion can have variations, as well. However, the basics usually include the reading of certain Scriptures and a time for prayerful self-examination, along with the eating of the bread and the drinking of the wine/grape juice (called the “elements”), which represent the body and blood of Christ as he gave his life for humanity.

Despite the differences in the way it is observed, one thing is true for all who participate in Communion. We are acting upon a reminder from Jesus. He said, “Do this in remembrance of me.” (1 Corinthians 11:24)

It strikes me that he knew ahead of time how forgetful we humans can become. He knew that we would not only forget common words and people’s names and lose our train of thought. He understood that, in the busyness of daily living and the information overload that occupies our minds, we would be prone to forget the most important act of love in history. We would forget the cross. So he instituted a simple ceremony, involving eating and drinking (something we are not likely to forget!) as a string around the finger of those who believe in him.

The act of Communion reminds us that God came looking for us. Not in a search-and-destroy mode, but on a mission to rescue and restore. In one of my favorite verses, God says, “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

Communion helps us remember that God chooses to forget our flaws. That is the crux of the matter.

Oh, by the way … the word crux is from the Latin meaning “cross.” Keep it in mind.

Jodi Detrick serves as the Assemblies of God Chairperson for the Network for Women in Ministry.She is also a public speaker, an author and a life coach.

Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company

 

 

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