Archive for the ‘Emerging Issues’ Category

The 1945-D Wheat Penny

Pete Menconi

 

Spare change has always been annoying to me. Usually there wasn’t enough to make a significant purchase or so much that it created a hole in your pocket. I finally found a solution for spare change. The answer came in the form of a tin bank filled with English toffee that a friend brought from London. After eating all the candy (not in one sitting), I didn’t want to throw away the bank that was a replica of Big Ben. So I started dropping my spare change in its slot.

The other day the bank became full and I decided to deposit the coins in one of my bank accounts. Being curious, I chose to count the coins and see how much money the little bank could hold. As I separated out the pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters, I decided to see if I could find any old “wheat pennies” that were worth more than their face value. As I searched through hundreds of pennies with no luck, I was convinced that America’s numismatists had picked the money chain clean. Then I found it, a 1945-D wheat penny. Since I was a year older than the penny and I live in suburban Denver (D was for Denver mint), the penny and I had a lot in common.

First, I was curious about how much it was worth. I was certain that I had found a treasure that would allow me to retire to Barbados or at least buy a McCafé drink. So I went to the all-knowing Internet and googled “1945D wheat penny.” I discovered that my copper treasure was worth about 10 cents. My day was ruined; no free McCafé today. After a good stiff jolt of caffeine from my own brew, I began to reflect on the journey of that penny. It has been circulating the country, and maybe the world, for almost 65 years. Wow, the places it must have visited and the people it must have helped! How many parking tickets did it prevent? How many gumballs has it purchased? How many times was it used as a screwdriver? Unfortunately, as the years have gone by, it has lost some of its face value. Today, most people believe a penny isn’t worth very much. Some even suggest that pennies be eliminated from our money chain.

 

In some ways older adults are like this penny. We have been around a long time and have seen and done many things. We were “minted” somewhere, but have traveled to other parts of the country or even our world. We have helped many people get through life, perhaps our children, siblings, or friends. While many of us are still in circulation, our value to those around us may be diminishing. There are even people today who suggest that older adults get out of the way. Perhaps we feel it is time for us to get out of circulation or bow out of the game.

Quite the contrary; my old 1945 penny is worth 10 times its face value…and so are you. The experiences, talents, gifts, abilities, and wisdom of older adults are needed now more than ever. The rapid changes in our culture have created a wide disconnect between younger and older generations. Many young people are racing through life without a rooted perspective that will help them avoid poor decisions and personal pain. Older adults can help provide younger generations with a wiser perspective on life.

 

My experience with young adults tells me that they will relate to older adults who care about them and are willing to listen. While it will take time to build trusting relationships with a younger people, it is well worth the investment…both for you and for them. Our local churches afford us a unique opportunity to build bridges of strength across the generations. More importantly, most of our churches cannot allow the generations to live apart and be disconnected. All will be poorer for it. And it is not what God intends for his kingdom.

Older adults must be proactive in building relationships with younger adults. Think creatively about ways the older and younger generations can relate. It may be as simple as inviting a younger person to coffee at a local Starbucks. Or relations across generations can develop by establishing mentoring relationships, either between individuals or couples. Doing intergenerational service projects together or taking short-term mission trips together is an excellent way to bridge the age differences. However you build intergenerational relationships, you will find that, over time, you will be able to speak into the lives of younger people.

 

Many of us older adults may feel like worn out pennies, but we still have great value to the kingdom of God. With the investment of older followers of Jesus into the lives of younger people, the kingdom of God will be richer. Our prayer should be that of the psalmist when he says, “I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, things from of old–what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.”

 

Pete Menconi is the Outreach Pastor at Greenwood Community Church, Denver, CO, author of The Intergenerational Church, and V-P of the CASA Network. 

 

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Milestone Reflections

Don Parrott

 

The 55-year mark is not a rigid milestone, but it does represent a very significant threshold in the life of a Boomer. Somewhere in the mid-fifties we metamorphose into a new stage of life…one in which we don’t need to prove ourselves anymore, and one in which we begin to make important decisions based on our values, not just on our necessities.

For many of us this awakening comes rather gently, almost unnoticed. It is often not a bolt or a sudden impact, but rather, a subtle recognition that something is different, more freeing, and generally enjoyable.

 

So if you are somewhere near this “life threshold”, take a moment to reflect on these questions:

1. What are two or three values that are important to me at this stage of my life?

2. What am I currently doing that expresses these values?

3. What would have to change in my life to better invest myself in realizing these values?

 

How and when did this new stage of life dawn on you? How did you respond? What important values can you identify? What are you doing to realize those values? What is your prospect regarding your future?

 

 

Don Parrott is President/CEO of Finishers Project since 2006. After working as a Missions Pastor in the Pacific Northwest, Don and his family served overseas, primarily in Argentina, then ministered as the mobilization director for a mission agency. Married to Ele for 38 years, they have four grown and married children and five grandchildren…hoping for more! Don and Ele live in Gilbert, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix. Learn more at finishers.org.

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Observations from a Youth and Family Pastor

David Fraze

 

Recently I had the honor of speaking at a 50+ conference.  A student ministry guy at a conference designed for 50+ year old participants?  Yep–it was awesome!  I was asked to present some material related to Intergenerational Student Ministry published with the Fuller Youth Institute, www.stickyfaith.org (check it out). I had such a great time with these wonderful and visionary church leaders who are part of the CASA Network, www.gocasa.org (Christian Association Serving Adult Ministries Network). Did I say it was awesome?

I knew only one person at the event (hey Bob) and had not even made connection with the director of the conference when I sat down to listen to the first session. I was drinking my coffee (as usual), getting comfortable with my surroundings, and then it happened. The message being spoken was the same message being delivered at today’s top student ministry conferences–students and young families need meaningful interaction with and mentoring from adult followers of Jesus–Intergenerational programming speak!  I was thrilled at the synergistic (fancy way to say synergy) message I was privileged to be a part. We (student ministers) are not alone!

 

Here are a few of the things I kept hearing, in no particular order, from various speakers, teachers and panel participants (again, you can hear any of these things at the student ministry conference of your choice):

  • The church “family,” not just mom and dad, share a responsibility in the spiritual formation of children.
  • Mature followers of Jesus have a responsibility to proactively seek ways to build relationships with today’s students and young families.
  • Intergenerational programming does not mean sacrificing age specific ministry but rather asking the question, “How can our existing programs be morphed to build relationships across generational boundaries?”
  • Intergenerational ministry is NOT another program.  It is a mindset.

I could continue to list the synergistic (I had to use the word again) messages but I mention these as a backdrop for the following comments.  Caution, these comments are going to be a bit preachy.

First, student ministry “experts” and “conferences” are not the only ones speaking prophetic words and predicting future programmatic trends for the Church.  To be clear, I am not one of these, but I run across a few student ministers that give little value or attention to the voice of older leaders and members of  our church communities–this is an arrogant and grave error in my opinion.

Second, I was thrilled to hear those who have me beat by more than a few decades of ministry say to their peers that they need to be “sages” for the Church and stop being “rigid” keepers of the statuesque–because statuesque is not working (all age groups and ministries grieve the fact that large numbers of our students walk away from Christianity after graduation from High School).  To the 50+ saints reading this, we “young-in’s” need your help in casting an informed (historically, theologically, socially responsible, etc.) future for our church communities and not have dark shadows of “the way it use to be” cast over our attempts to effectively minister to our generation–we really want to listen and dialogue with you!

And third, this experience strengthened my belief that Intergenerational ministry programming talk is much more than a fad used to start up the next national conference option, book deal and/or speaking circuit on ramp opportunity.  I believe it is a movement of the Spirit that is working to correct a programming methodology that has divided the church into age segregated silos (No, I am not going to unpack this here, but feel free to weigh in with your opinions here–the conversation will be fun).

I have spent a large portion of the last four years researching, rethinking, regrouping and re envisioning student ministry so that the flow of students exiting the Faith after graduation could be slowed and/or stopped. Some of the corresponding programmatic changes have been easy, others not so much. Still, through it all, the Intergenerational piece remains a part of all my programmatic discussions. Personally, I am so fortunate to work with a church family, leadership, peers, families and students that want to break down the generational silos. Even so, it was good to know we are not alone!

 

Question:  Understanding that every age group needs “their time” together, what are some of the obstacles faced when attempting to program over generational lines?  How have you worked through these obstacles?

 

 David Fraze is the Director of Student Ministries at The Hills Church of Christ in North Richland Hills, TX. He has served as a curriculum director for Summer Camp at Lubbock Christian University and as an adjunct graduate professor of youth and family ministry. Learn more about David Fraze at Fuller Youth Institute, or read his blog: dfraze.blogspot.com.

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A Trip Through Time

by Lonnie Evans

 

Are you a time travel wannabe like me? There are societies and cultures I’d like to drop in on just for a little piece of the action: Shakespeare’s England…Socrates’ Greece…The city of Atlantis (before it was lost)…

Well then come on into the IGen 1000, time travel’s newest invention! Buckle up. Sit down. Set the clock back…way back…there. Nice landing! I bet you’ve always wondered about this place in this particular time as I have. Is it as Hollywood portrays it: ancient, serene, somewhat mystical, or is it more vivacious and gritty?

Look, over there on the hill—obviously a pilgrimage of some sort. Let’s catch up to them and see what’s up. It’s an impressive array of people. I guess nobody’s working because it looks like all the adults in the town must be here. School must be out too—this looks more like the loosely organized hysteria of a Friday night high school football game than a coordinated religious celebration. Kids are everywhere all scattered around the hillside, as are adults of all ages and their caravans with pack animals. Hey, how about we get a first-hand account from that gentleman and his wife over there. They appear to be looking for something – or someone. Maybe we can give them a hand.

“Pardon me sir, I’m not from around here, could you tell me what’s going on?”

“Yes, if you don’t mind walking along with me, I will tell you.”

“Sure thing.”

“We are all coming back from a big celebration at the temple.”

“It must have been a huge event. We noticed all kinds of animals…”

“No you don’t. There are no pigs!”

“OK then, I stand corrected. We noticed a variety of pack animals…agreed?”

“Yes, that’s better.”

“And we noticed children and teenagers and adults of all ages.”

“I suppose so, but what are teenagers?” 

“Sorry, I guess that concept hasn’t been invented yet…Is this always the way you travel?”

“Is what always the way we travel?”

“With all these people and animals?”

What do you mean is this how we travel? This is how we live?”

“By the way, I noticed you seem to be looking for something.”

“Yes, my son appears to have gotten lost in all the hubbub.”

“Joseph, have you thought about checking back at the temple?”

 

Stride back into the IGen 1000 with me and let’s head back to our time.

So, did you catch it—something very different in the way our societies work? We visited Israel, circa 10AD, and caught a glimpse into the Hebrew culture of Jesus of Nazareth’s day as he participated in it as a child. It was common, ordinary, everyday life for masses of people of all generations to be participating in life together. It was not odd for Joseph and Mary to have gone so long and not notice that Jesus, their son, was missing. He was presumed to be in the horde of people heading home from the temple.

How different it is for those of us who live in less communal societies. We live in more organized ways, being part of organized groups which are often categorized on generational lines. This method of organization by generations follows us from our early days in the educational system to our older years in the healthcare system.

This difference poses a real dilemma for those seeking to be faithful to God’s purposes and ways as they age (and, by the way, in addition to breathing and sleeping, aging is something we all have in common). The Word of God presupposes a rich intergenerational life like that of the Jewish culture of Jesus’ day.

We will not hide them [the parables and teachings of God that our fathers passed on to us] from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done.  He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.  Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.” – Psalm 78:4-7 (NIV)

How do you apply the obvious principle here—to pass on the wonderful deeds and life of God to the next generations—when you live in an age-stratified society? You not only live in an age-layered culture but one that seeks to strap you into life with your own generational peers? And the next generations’ principle is clearly intended for a society of people, not solely one’s own nuclear family of generations. So, how can an older person in an age-segregated society pass God’s stories and ways on intergenerationally?

 

1. Enjoy your generational friends and break the generational mold.

Let’s be completely honest about aging and maturity. Human aging can be a struggle and it’s helpful to have generational peers around who understand that in real time. So please, make strong generational friendships. A bibilical view of maturing though must grapple with the human aging process while seeing our spirits renewed daily by God’s Spirit (II Corinthians 3:17-18). Real maturity understands that it’s lessons are to be shared widely…intergenerationally. Sure, our society creates unpleasant molds for senior adults. But young people admire those who have the fortitude to break the mold. And they both love and respect older people who have the guts to do so.

 

2. Throw yourself a social change-up.

Effective baseball pitchers learn when to shift speed on their pitches in order to keep batters guessing. You can do the same thing socially by varying your activities. If you are only throwing fastballs with your generational peers, get a new grip on the ball and try and intergen change-up. Go to a town hall meeting. Spend an evening at a high school football game. Invite a friend to go with you to a middle school band concert. If you really want to throw off convention volunteer at a local elementary school or give some time to help out at a local children’s charity. And if you really want to try something wild, host an intergenerational party around a seasonal theme, a popular movie or a shared interest.

 

3. Be IN

INvite, INitiate and INspire INtergenerationally. Sure, it’s understandable if you have some trepidation—you are entering into what amounts to a cross-cultural experience.  You won’t always get the language or the mannerisms. You may not always be comfortable. So what? The purpose of God is for the experienced to engage the lesser experienced in His ways. If you don’t share any commonality of experience, that is going to be difficult. So, don’t wait for inexperience to do what only you can. Invite and initiate and you will inspire enthusiasm for God and respect for yourself.

 

Lonnie Evans is a generations strategist and certified talent consultant. Read more of his thoughts and writings about synergy amongst the generations at intergenuity.wordpress.com. 

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How Churches are Becoming Intentionally Intergenerational

church choir Article by Amy Hanson

 

Article Summary

Today’s society often segments people by age and young and old have few opportunities to interact. However, some churches are discovering that intergenerational ministry is a rewarding, Godhonoring work, and they are finding ways to encourage meaningful connections across generational lines.

 

This article is available through leadnet.org. Download it here.

 

Amy will be joining us this November at the CASA Network International Leadership Conference. For more info, go to the conference page.

Dr. Amy Hanson is a speaker, writer, and consultant with a passion to help older adults discover a life of Christ-centered meaning and purpose. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Bible and Family Ministry from Manhattan Christian College, a Master’s degree in Gerontology from Abilene Christian University, and a Ph.D. in Human Sciences from the University of Nebraska. Learn more from her website: www.amyhanson.org. 

 

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Revisiting our Definition of Family

David Fraze

“David, I need some advice!”

The call came on the first day of my 2008 research with the Fuller Youth Institute (FYI). After almost 20 years of experience in youth ministry practice and education, I came to study with FYI because I can’t shake this feeling that something is not right about how we teach and practice youth ministry.  The evidence suggesting that 40-50% of our students leave Christianity after high school graduation heightens my concerns.1 So my wife and I loaded up our family, packed them into a Pasadena apartment and spent two months thinking deeply about youth ministry.  Specifically, I was at Fuller to research intergenerational strategies for youth ministry (i.e., youth ministry practices designed to create opportunities for spiritual growth across generational lines).

The youth leader seeking advice on the other end of the phone call was a dear friend, a veteran youth worker, and a youth ministry professor whose experience eclipses mine by at least ten years. (He’s old!)  Our conversation went something like this:

“I am not sure it is working,” my friend volunteered.

“What’s not working?”  I asked.

“The way we are programming and teaching youth ministry.”

He continued to explain how the kids he knew that were part of the 50% that “made it” would probably have been okay with or without the youth ministry programming that had been offered them.  Sure, the youth ministry had strengthened the faith of those students and provided them with valuable learning opportunities and great relationships.  But in his opinion, the students who developed into and remained committed disciples ended up that way because they had come from strong, intact and engaged families who were themselves connected to strong, intact and engaged communities of faith. His concern was with the other 50% and the way youth ministry education must change in order to equip future youth workers to reach the students whose faith is not nurtured by strong, intact and engaged adult relationships.

Does any part of this conversation sound familiar?

Has your experience with youth ministry led you to the same line of questioning?

If so, Welcome!

Many of us, if we step back from the youth ministry carnival of activity for a moment, might come to a similar conclusion. Ask yourself this question: Out of all the programming teenagers have participated in through the years, what has worked to build long term, committed followers of Jesus? (Go ahead, ask yourself the question.)

Follow up with a second question: In all that programming, how many times was the “real ministry” moment a conversation on the van ride back from an activity?

The crazy thing about discipling teenagers is that we don’t always know when those “real ministry” moments are going to occur.  We expect them to occur after the emotional youth conference appeal, but they are just as likely to occur after the annual baby oil/shampoo slip and slide contest (I’m not making this up; this really happened to me).  Perhaps the best programming is that which creates moments for meaningful experience and conversation. If your experience is anything like mine, your favorite “real ministry” moments may have been facilitated by a certain programed event, but are ultimately memorable because of the parents, adults and other members of the community of faith who shared the moment with you.

Try this exercise, make two lists:

1. First, write down all of the sermons, lessons and devotionals you remember that had a deep spiritual impact on you as a teenager.

2. Second, write down the names of all the people you remember who had a deep impact on your spiritual journey as a teenager.

Question: Which list is longer and/or do you consider more influential in your present spiritual journey?

More than likely, the answer to this question illustrates the value of intergenerational relationships in youth ministry.

I suggest that an evaluation of traditional youth ministry practice reveals our unintentional tendency to undervalue the role of parents and adult volunteers as well as support the separation of age groups at church.

To be fair, many parents and adult leaders seem to prefer and support this type of segregated youth ministry practice.  They prefer opportunities to participate in classes and worship services specifically targeted to their own adult interests while someone else is “watching” the kids.  However, if my friend on the phone call is right and the teenagers who continue in a long-term, committed discipleship journey are those who come from strong, intact and engaged families, and/or are connected to adults who provide supportive, familial relationships, then youth ministry teaching and practice may need some major retooling in order to support and foster more vibrant teen/adult relationships. 2

A Clarification of Terms

It is important that youth workers understand what is meant by the term intergenerational youth ministry. An intergenerational youth ministry approach views the roles of parents and the surrounding adult community as the primary influence in a student’s spiritual formation.  As a result, intergenerational youth ministry programming is designed to create opportunities for spiritual growth across generational lines.3

Intergenerational ministry should not be confused with family based youth ministry.  The family based approach, while closely related (and valuable), focuses primarily on the nuclear family unit.  An intergenerational approach, while honoring and working with nuclear family units, focuses on employing the entire adult faith community in youth ministry strategies.

Intergenerational youth ministry should likewise not be confused with inclusive youth ministry programming. Inclusive strategies work towards eliminating age specific ministry programs altogether.  Intergenerational strategies work to bring the generations together in meaningful ways while still offering programs that meet the specific age-appropriate needs of adolescent believers.

 

How Do You Define “Family?”

“Finally, someone is championing the role and responsibility of families in youth ministry!” is the response most often received when we bring up the topic of intergenerational youth ministry strategies.

“It depends how you define family,” is my typical response.

As you can imagine, the follow-up conversation is usually lively and lots of fun. Why? Because we have elevated the nuclear family to perhaps an unhealthy (even idolatrous) status and ignored those who don’t seem to fit that paradigm. For instance, what do you assume about a man or woman who chooses to remain single after age 30? Is the definition of family broad enough to include this group in our church community? Could people from this group be employed as intergenerational “family figures” in youth ministry programming? How we define family influences our answers to those and a host of other questions.

A definition that is too narrow places all responsibility for the spiritual formation of children solely upon the shoulders of legally related family members. This extreme view is dismissive of any role played by the surrounding community of faith.4

A definition that is too broad may place the responsibility for the spiritual formation of children on the shoulders of people unqualified to offer any meaningful spiritual direction. This extreme view allows unhindered access to anyone willing to work with children, without examining a “family” member’s moral or spiritual qualification.

In the midst of these two extremes, can we find a healthy middle ground? In her book, Family Ministry, sociologist Diana Garland provides a helpful framework for defining family that invites youth ministries to re-examine how to best love and serve kids and their families.

Garland begins by acknowledging the turbulent debate around the definition of family in our current cultural context.  While describing the importance of caring for and supporting the traditional nuclear family unit, Garland encourages her readers to expand their definition of family, so that the diversity found in today’s family culture is acknowledged and brought into family ministry discussions.  She does this through a discussion of two sociological views commonly used to define “family.”5

View #1:  A Structural Definition. This definition views family through the structural relationships assumed through marriage, birth and/or adoption, divorce and remarriage, or any of the variants formed through these primary structures (single parents, step-parent/children, elderly parents living with an adult child, etc.).  The structural definition even allows for “fictive kin” relationships.6 This structural definition seems to represent the most often employed and understood use of the term “family” in ministry programming.

Garland certainly honors and accepts the structural definition of family as found in Scripture. Jesus himself was set in an adoptive structural family!  However, as will be discussed below, the functional definition of family not only honors structural relationships but allows for a more inclusive use of the word “family” that better describes relationships within the body of believers.

View #2:  A Functional Definition. This definition views family through the unique functions certain relationships have in a person’s life experience.  Therefore, “family” is defined as the “organization of relationships that endure over time and contexts through which persons attempt to meet their needs for belonging and attachment and to share life purposes, help and resources.”7 This definition of family includes both structural relationships and those relationships that make a functional attempt at being family.8

Garland explains why she employs the functional definition of family:

“Most family ministries have been based on a structural definition of family.  Thus we have ministry with married couples, with parents, with single parents, with single adults, with empty-nest families and so on.  No doubt these ministries have been helpful to families dealing with the various life-stage issues.  On the other hand, this approach tends to cut up a congregation into homogeneous groups, so that all the married couples are grouped for ministry, and all the singles, and so on.  It also has the tendency toward congregational specialization, so that one congregation may become known as the congregation for young families, another the church for single adults, or for senior adults.  Inevitably some types of families do not find a specialized ministry for them, because most congregations do not have enough specialized staff and other resources to maintain a host of specialized ministries for the diversity of family types included in the community…The functional definition seems to better fit Jesus’ teachings about family.  For followers of Christ are not to be bound by the structures of legally recognized or biologically based relationships.  Rather, family relationships are defined by relationship process—loving one another, being faithful to the same Lord, and adopting one another as brothers and sisters in the household of faith.”9

In a more thorough exploration of family in scripture, we find it shift beyond “flesh” relation (Genesis 3:23-24) to the radical expansion of the term seen in Jesus’ words, “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:50).  Jesus reformed the idea of family simply in the way God brought Jesus into the life of Mary and Joseph.  The adoption of Jesus by Joseph “points to the good news that Jesus will develop later in his teachings (Matthew 12:46-50): from this point forward, no one must be without family because wombs are barren, marriages are broken or never formed, or loved ones die.”10 For those who therefore lack a structural family, a functional family fulfills the human need for connection and support.  Even the experience of Jesus’ conception and birth is evidence that “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:5-6).

The functional definition of family honors and values the significance of the traditional family unit while acknowledging the place for single parents, divorced individuals, singles and others within the faith community.  This calls the community of faith to offer hope for those hurt by structural family relationships by providing a family in which healing and acceptance are found.

Beyond Definitions

“That’s exactly what we need!”

This was the response given by one of my volunteers (who used to be a paid youth worker) when discussing the need for more intergenerational youth ministry programming.  The volunteer came alive when discussing this functional definition of family.

“Let me show you my Bible,” came the enthusiastic offer from my volunteer. 

As the volunteer brought forth his tattered and worn Bible, he told the story of how it was given to him by two of his campers at a summer camp almost twenty years previous to our conversation.  He described their relationship in family-like terms (i.e. Paul and Timothy, father and son language).  He is still in contact with those two young men.  Both are committed disciples and one is involved in full-time ministry.

 

Learn more about David Fraze and his work at Fuller Youth Institute.

Note: This article appears in the 2009 January/February edition of The Journal of Student Ministries.

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Purpose of this guide

Purpose of this guide: This guide will help seniors of all ages to understand some of the options open to them and precautions that they should take when it comes to owning a home, downsizing, paying a mortgage, taking out a reverse mortgage, and selling property.

After evaluating this guide, readers will have a better understanding of:

Common financial mistakes that seniors make

The benefits of downsizing

Approaches to paying for a mortgage in retirement

The various types of mortgages available to seniors

What a reverse mortgage is and how to use it

How seniors can protect themselves from predatory real estate professionals and scams

 

Introduction

A home is a central part of everyone’s life. If you are a senior and you have lived in your home for many years, that idea takes on a whole different meaning. You’ve raised your children there, you’ve held meaningful family gatherings there, and you’ve created countless memories. You’ve also probably invested quite a bit of your time, effort, and income into the house over the years in the form of mortgage payments, maintenance, repairs, and renovations.

Not to sound dramatic, but the very thing that has housed your family and holds so many dear memories can turn into a real burden if you don’t plan ahead. For some, the strain is physical in the form of regular, exhausting maintenance. For others, it’s the draining financial responsibilities of the mortgage, bills, and upkeep. And for some, the house just becomes glaringly impractical either because it has more space than they need, stairs that they can no longer climb, a yard that they can no longer maintain, or is located too far from friends and family.

While it’s easy to get hung up on a home for sentimental reasons, it’s smart to think about it in terms of what will keep you physically and financially independent for the longest. There’s no sense in going broke or compromising your health over a piece of property that no longer suits your needs.

Everyone has a different definition of what a senior is. After all, it’s an age group that spans 40 years. The average age of retirement in this country is 65. In the real estate industry, a 62 year old is considered a senior. Meanwhile, the AARP allows members to join when they are 50. And, of course everyone in that age range feels a different age: some 75 year olds feel more mentally and physically fit than some 65 year olds and even some 55 year olds.

Whatever a senior’s actual age or physical or mental condition, there is one thing that everyone in that 40 plus year age range has in common: they should all be planning ahead and thinking about their financial future, especially when it comes to housing and finances.

This guide is meant to give an overview of some of the options that seniors have when it comes to real estate and mortgages. The more that you know about what’s out there, the better your chances are of making good decisions that will lead to a comfortable life.

Though we have done our best to make this guide comprehensive, you should do further research before making any big financial decisions. Be sure to run things by an impartial third party like a lawyer or a trusted real estate professional before making any commitments. There are many people out there looking to take advantage of seniors who may not understand all of their options, so be careful!

Part 1: Examples Of Typical Senior Housing Problems

Here are a few examples of the types of problems (and some solutions) that seniors might find themselves dealing with.

Problem: Alex is 70 years old and has been living in the same 4,000 square foot two-story house for twenty-five years. His wife passed away four years ago and his daughters have been trying to convince him to sell the house and move into a condo closer to them. The house has too many memories and he doesn’t want to sell it despite the fact that it’s too big for him to properly maintain and he can’t afford to have someone do it for him

Solution: Alex should seriously think about selling the house and using part of the cash to purchase a zero lot line, ground level condo or apartment near his daughters that requires no yard work, very little maintenance, and is in walking distance to restaurants and stores. He should invest the remaining money (which may come in handy later) and use the dividends to enrich his life with travel and other enriching experiences.

Problem: Nate and Courtney are both about to retire and have a few years left on their mortgage. They aren’t sure if it makes more sense to try to pay down their mortgage with retirement funds or if they should just keep paying the mortgage till the end. They are both nervous about not having enough money to keep up with their mortgage payments should one of them fall ill.

Solution: The couple should meet with their financial advisor and consider their options. If they qualify, they might choose to refinance the mortgage at a lower rate and for a shorter number of years. Though their payments will initially be higher, the long-term finance charges will be lower and they will pay off their mortgage sooner. With taxes and early withdrawal fees, it’s probably not in their best interest to take money out of their 401K or IRA to finish paying the mortgage. However, if they have adequate savings for retirement and also have some investments with a smaller percentage return than their mortgage, they should use those investments to pay down the mortgage.

Problem: Rosemary and her husband George have lived in the same house for 30 years. Unfortunately, George has Alzheimer’s and requires a nurse to visit at least once a day and the bills are piling up. Some friends have suggested that she put George into an assisted living facility, but Rosemary feels that he will probably do better in the long run if he stays in a familiar environment. Rosemary is having trouble juggling health care payments with her mortgage payments and other bills and isn’t sure what to do.

Solution: Rosemary should consider a reverse mortgage that will allow her and George to stay in their home and will pay for George’s health care costs. Though it will ultimately pay out less than the value of the house, it saves her the mental and physical strain of packing up and moving. Also, remaining in the home will likely make George’s last years more tranquil and positive.

Problem: Craig and Sarah are in their late 60’s and all three of their children have moved out and have graduated college. They are both retired and want to spend some time travelling, but don’t have much cash. Out of the blue, a realtor gets in touch with an offer on their house. The offer couldn’t have come at a better time: it’s a lot more money than they paid for their house and the funds will allow them to travel.

Solution: Is this a problem? Probably. It’s a cliché, but if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. People will often make lowball offers to seniors, knowing that they don’t know the market or the true value of their property. Craig and Sarah should first do some research to find out how much their house is really worth. They can look up the tax assessments for other nearby homes and they can talk to a trusted and impartial realtor. Also, they should get a second opinion on the offer from a different realtor or real estate professional.

 

Part 2: Common Mistakes That Seniors Make

When it comes to real estate, it is crucial that seniors think about their financial future and not let a sentimental attachment to a home get in the way.

That is, of course, easier said that done!

“The biggest mistake that the older seniors are making,” says Senior Living Realtor Armand Christopher, “is staying in their homes for longer than they should. They need to move to a community where there is care. Or they need to be looked after by home health or by their adult children.” The longer a person stays in a home that is not suited to his or her current needs, the more expensive and physically and mentally draining it is ultimately going to become.

“I could say the same thing about a younger senior who has not downsized yet,” Christopher continues, “a person who is living in a 4,000 square foot house that they really don’t need. They too should be planning.”

One way to cut through the sentimental attachments to a home is to try to look at it purely as an investment. “Once you’ve been in a 4,000 square foot house for 30 years,” says Christopher, “and that house is paid off and worth half a million dollars—that equity is just sitting there doing nothing.”

For example, the hypothetical senior in the above situation could downsize by selling the $600,000 home, purchasing a more manageable $200,000 home, and then invest the rest. That money is going to pay off in the long term. Even if it’s only a 5% or 2% interest, the person is still making something off of that money and saving by lowering expenses on utilities and maintenance.

 

Part 3: Downsizing

The concept of downsizing is key for seniors when it comes to long-term independence.

“A lot of people want to downsize from the 5,000 square foot house to a 2,200 square foot house,” says Christopher. “They are either active adults who are looking to move to a golf course community, or they want something in a zero lot line community: a condominium, a townhouse, something low-maintenance. They want to minimize their lifestyle to make it easier for them, but they still want the amenities.”

As seniors get older and less able to navigate steps and basements and big yards, downsizing to a smaller, more manageable home allows them to maintain the tax benefits and independence of home ownership. They may also want to downsize to a place that is in another part of the country with nicer weather or that is closer to amenities like stores, golf courses, parks, their children, etc.

For younger seniors, it makes sense to think about the future and to downsize to a home that they can grow old in—before they find themselves in a desperate situation. The purchase will free up capital that can be invested now, and they’ll be making an important decision while in a sharp state of mind.

For those who can’t face the hassle of downsizing, professionals like Armand Christopher, of Senior Living Realty, put together teams to help seniors through the process. “We are a full service company that works directly with a lot of the senior housing community,” says Christopher. “We help them to project manage the entire process from start to finish. We have a team that does the moving and the packing and the estate sale. We provide the full service for the client when they are ready to make that decision.”

 

Part 4: Retiring With A Mortgage

According to the AARP, 25.5 million seniors ages 50 and older still have a mortgage. Though you may have always hoped that you would be able to retire without a mortgage, chances are good that you will still have one.

If you know that you will still be paying your mortgage after retirement, start planning now for strategies that will keep it manageable while you are on a fixed income.

If you have a lot of savings or a huge retirement fund, you may have wondered whether or not you should just use that money to pay off your mortgage. Using funds from your 401K or from your retirement funds almost never pays off, as you will have to pay taxes and possible early withdrawal penalties.

However, if you have savings and investment accounts that are earning less than you are paying on your mortgage, then it probably makes sense to use that money for your mortgage. For example, if your mortgage rate is 6.3% yet your investment account only gives you 4%, you are probably better off paying off some or all of your mortgage.

Another thing to think about is that your mortgage payments are usually tax deductible. Consult your accountant to see if it makes more sense to keep paying the mortgage so that you can continue to take advantage of the tax deduction.

Many retiring seniors worry about whether or not they’ll be able to make their mortgage payments on a fixed income. One solution is to refinance. If you have an adjustable rate mortgage and you are able to refinance to a fixed rate mortgage, this is a no brainer. Not only will the monthly payments be lower, but they will be at a fixed i.e. predictable rate.

You can also refinance to a lower rate or to a new mortgage with a longer term that spreads the payments out and brings the monthly costs down. This can save you a lot of money every month in the short run, but will extend the length of your loan and add on finance charges in the long run. Again, this is the kind of thing to run by your financial advisor first.

A third option, if you have the capital, is to purchase an annuity that produces regular payments that will cover the mortgage. Roll over a 401K or IRA into an annuity that lasts until the end of the mortgage term and avoid a big tax bill. Annuities are a famously tricky product though, so again, discuss this thoroughly with your tax advisor.

 

Part 5: Mortgages Available to Seniors

No matter what you decide, whether it is to downsize to a smaller property, to refinance, or even to purchase a second home or apartment, there is a good chance that you’ll be dealing with a mortgage again. In an ideal situation, you’ll just be able to sell your old home and pay for a downsized one with cash. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to do that. 
There are many types of loans available to senior citizens and each satisfies a different need. Read on for examples of the different mortgage types: 
1. Standard Mortgage: This is the traditional mortgage that you probably already had on your last home. It can last between 5 and 30 years. Qualifying for it is dependent on your income and your credit rating.
2. Second mortgage: A second mortgage is taken out in addition to a primary mortgage and is always for a smaller amount. Second mortgages generally have a higher interest rate because they are riskier for the lender. 
3. Refinanced Mortgage: This is when you take your current mortgage and refinance it to change the type of loan (ex: ARM to Fixed Rate), change the rate, change the length of the loan, or any combination of the three. 
4. Reverse Mortgage: With this type of mortgage, which is available to seniors 62 and older, instead of paying a lump sum, the lender cuts a monthly check to the borrower. At the end of the term, the bank owns the home. Reverse mortgages are typically no doc loans meaning that you don’t need to document your employment, income, or assets.
5. HELOC: This stands for Home Equity Line of Credit. Like a credit card, it is a loan that the borrower takes out in small sums (rather than a large lump sum) against the equity of his or her home. One of the advantages of this type of loan is that a person can take out as little or as much as they need and they only have to pay the interest on the loan at first. It is often used for things like repairs and renovations. 
6. HECM: The Home Equity Conversion Mortgage is similar to a reverse mortgage except that it is regulated by the Federal Housing Authority and has some of the best rates. The costs and fees are generally worked into the loan. 
7. VA Loan: A VA Loan is a mortgage that is guaranteed by the Department of Veterans Affairs. It is available to veterans of the armed forces and their spouses. It has great rates and can often be used to get into a home for little or no down payment.

 

Part 6: Reverse Mortgages

This type of mortgage is a financial product available to people who are 62 and older. True to its name, a reverse mortgage is like a mortgage in reverse. Instead of getting a lump sum that is used to pay for a home, a lender gives you monthly payments for your existing home for a fixed period. At the end of that period, the house is then either sold by the lender or refinanced by a family member.

Reverse mortgages have a bad name because they only pay out a percentage of the total value of the home, have fees attached, and leave you without a home at the end of the term. It has a reputation as a desperate last recourse for seniors who can’t keep up with medical bills or the upkeep of their home. However, used properly by someone who fully understands what they are getting into, it can be a lifesaver.

“It’s a phenomenal vehicle for seniors at this time,” says Don Girogio the president of United Northern Mortgage Bankers. “I believe that social security hasn’t increased in the past two or three years. Meanwhile, we’ve seen double digit increases in property taxes and insurance. How can a senior who is on a fixed income that’s not even sticking to the cost of living stay on top of things? It’s the only product available to them that allows them to have dignity and independence.”

“We’ve had a lot of good stories with people who were able to stay in their home and not have to go into assisted living or a nursing home because they were able to afford an aide and get the medical attention that they needed desperately. And it made them better—it gave them peace of mind. Honestly, we’ve had people eating cat food. You don’t think those stories are true, but they are real.”

“We’ve literally taken people off of the court steps out of foreclosure because they didn’t have the money to pay their mortgage,” continues Girogio. ”We’ve also had a lot of widows who can go on without their spouse and enjoy their lives because they now have the wherewithal to do so.”

Many times, it’s the adult children who are afraid of losing their inheritance who don’t want their parents to utilize a reverse. “One of the biggest mistakes that you see seniors making is not following their heart. Instead, they’ll follow an advisor who might have an ulterior motive and they don’t end up doing a reverse mortgage because they afraid that they are not going to leave something to their heirs. And meanwhile they are struggling.”

If a senior sells his or her home, goes through the trauma of displacing themselves from a home and neighborhood that they’ve lived in for twenty years, and ends up renting an apartment that costs as much as their mortgage, who wins?

“If you think about it, a home is a home, but it is still an investment,” says Girogio. “They get to borrow against that investment, which over time will still appreciate vs. renting, which is dead money. It’s helping them to unlock the equity in their home, an investment that they have made which should now pay back to them and give them the financial tools that they need in order to take care of their health.”

In the end, if an adult child or other family member really wants the home, a reverse mortgage gives them the time to financially grow into acquiring the property. The family member simply buys it from the estate with a new mortgage when the reverse has fully paid out.

One last bit of advice that Girogio offers is to take advantage of reverse mortgages while they are still available. “The only thing I would say as far seniors are concerned: this product is available today. We don’t know what’s going to happen with the government.  We’ve got a trillion dollar deficit. Programs are being cut left and right. If a senior has the ability to do a reverse mortgage, they should do it immediately and take advantage of what is offered to them today. It’s essentially a no doc loan [a loan that anyone can theoretically get because it does not require you to document your employment, income, or assets]. Where would you get that in today’s market? The average consumer can’t. Seniors should run and take advantage with the right advice.

Part 7: Protecting Yourself

Any discussion of seniors and real estate would not be complete without a warning about scams and predatory real estate professionals. There are many people out there looking to take advantage of seniors who are either desperate, not thinking clearly, or just don’t understand the market.

“Seniors need to know that people will try to take advantage of them because of their age and because they don’t understand the market,” cautions Christopher. “Some seniors see an offer and think, “Wow, that’s a lot more than I paid for the house,” without really knowing the market and what their house is worth. There’s a lot of that that goes on. And when I say a lot, there is a lot.”

If they decide to sell, seniors should get a professional to help them to get the most for their home. It comes down to four things: price, condition, location, and competition. And, of course, condition of the house can make a huge difference. If a neighbor’s house has sold for X amount of dollars and that house has been updated, they need to understand that it will cost something to bring their house up to market value.

 

Seniors should always find well-informed assistance before making any decisions. This may mean looking outside of their circle of friends and family for a trusted and impartial attorney or financial advisor who understands the fine print. Getting advice from a child or relative who has a financial stake in the outcome of a senior’s investments can be problematic and may not always produce the most beneficial results for the senior.

 

Here are a few tips that seniors can take to prevent being taken advantage of:

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Read and understand the fine print (or find someone who does) before you sign anything.

If someone is rushing you, they are probably trying to get away with something.

Get a second opinion.

Get a market analysis.

Ask neighbors about houses that have sold in the area.

Go online and look at the assessed values of homes in your area to get a better idea of what your house is worth.

 

Part 8: Conclusion

It’s hard to put together a guide that covers every senior. After all, as we said in the introduction, we’re talking about an age span of 40 years or more. Still, if there’s one thing that seniors of any age should do, they should plan for the future!

If you currently own a home that is too big for your needs, downsize while you still can. Do it for your own peace of mind and finances, but also do it so that you can put some of the capital that you have invested in your home to work.

If you are entering retirement with a mortgage, do what you can to make it more affordable with a refinance or another payment strategy.

If you find yourself in need, a reverse mortgage can be a great asset—if you get good advice and use the money wisely.

The decisions that you make about your home and your mortgage will have long lasting effects on your life and on those close to you. Your home can be one of your greatest financial assets. Learn to manage the investment and you will be able to take care of yourself and maintain your independence and health well into the future.

 

Part 9: Additional Resources

Experts http://www.seniorlivingrealty.com/ This is the website for Armand Christopher, the Seniors Housing Advisor we consulted with for much of the information in this guide. 
http://www.unitednorthern.com/ This is the website for Don Girogio, a mortgage banker and reverse mortgage expert who helped us to put together our information on reverse mortgages.

Real Estate http://www.seniorsrealestate.com/ Seniors Real Estate Realtors is a part of the National Association of Realtors. Its realtors are qualified to address the needs of buyers and sellers over the age of 50.

Mortgage Guides http://www.refinancemortgagerates.org/mortgage-guide-for-senior-citizens/ This excellent, comprehensive guide covers all aspects of mortgages and finance for seniors.

Personal Finance/Retirement resources http://www.lendingtree.com/smartborrower/seniors/real-estate-retirement/… A quick guide to financial strategies for those who are retiring with a mortgage. 
http://www.aarp.org/money/money_tools/ An AARP site with links to various helpful calculators like reverse mortgage and retirement calculators. 
http://www.retirementliving.com/ This site links to a multitude of resources for seniors including taxes by state, places to retire, publications, and state agencies.

Reverse Mortgages http://www.reversemortgage.org/ConsumerGuides/tabid/251/Default.aspx Links to guides from the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association on reverse mortgages and aging. 
http://www.housingwire.com/2009/04/14/elderly-turn-to-reverse-mortgages-… A fair article on the state of reverse mortgages and the various options available.

Government Sites http://portal.hud.gov/portal/page/portal/HUD/topics/information_for_seni… The Housing and Urban Development Information for Senior Citizens website: great links and information for everything from reverse mortgages to senior care to finding an apartment. 
http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Seniors/Housing.shtml Resource with links to various gov sites regarding housing for seniors. 
http://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/sfh/hecm/hecmhome.cfm A Housing and Urban Development site with links to information about HECM’s and reverse mortgages. 
http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Seniors/FederalState.shtml Website with links to a variety of federal and state agencies for seniors.
http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Seniors.shtml Another website with links to government resources for seniors on money, housing, health, consumer protection, and more.

Associations http://www.aarp.com American Association of Retired Persons: Up to the minute comprehensive site on all relevant topics for seniors. 
http://www.nsclc.org/ The National Senior Citizens Law Center is a non-profit organization whose principal mission is to protect the rights of low-income older adults.

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Alan Pratt

Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center

Your legacy is much more than the tax-efficient transfer of your net worth.

People often think of their legacies as what they leave behind, and while that is technically true, what we actually leave behind is the life we live today. Your legacy is much more than the tax-efficient transfer of your net worth. The best philosophy for estate planning centers on the story of your life today. We call it “legacy planning.” Your legacy plan is intended to extend that story into tomorrow.

Legacy planning begins from your heart, as you assess what relationships and goals truly important in your life. If estate planning is going to extend that part of yourself into the future to create a legacy, it has to begin with assessing your values. Legacy planning doesn’t start with focusing on tax strategies or the things that we call “tools” to extend the reach of your story. It starts with the story itself and gives you the opportunity to decide how your story can continue most effectively from this day forward within your family, the organizations and the community of non-family members who are important to you.

Just as there are tools that help you minimize your estate tax exposure, there are tools that can help you better understand your own story. For example, we typically help our clients review their lives, decade by decade, reflecting on the angels and heroes that have touched their lives. We identify enduring principles that have directed their life decisions—principles that they feel are important to pass on to others. These principles, to the extent they can nurture them in the lives of others, are a more important legacy than the asset values alone.

While all of us spend time planning in our businesses, a good portion of our lives happens almost by default. Your legacy plan not only mirrors the positive aspects of the life you’ve lived, it can help you live the remainder of your life more deliberately so that your story begins to take clearer focus for others. It is this focus on others that becomes particularly important.

A good legacy plan is selfless. It focuses on other people and organizations because they are who and what remain to carry your story forward. Family relationships often grow stronger through the legacy planning process. Unfortunately, conventional estate planning can be self-focused and used to set strategies that control the financial future of others. As a result, it leaves toxic relationships in its wake. But by focusing the plan on relationships today, and by including these people in the dialogue, healthy relationships are left in the wake of your life.

You will leave your story imbedded within the stories of others around you, whether you plan to or not. Everyone does. Our stories are left behind like fingerprints on the lives of others. The question is, “How will your story touch their lives?” With good planning, you will leave your story imbedded in positive ways in the lives of people you will never meet.

Everyone has an estate plan — either by default or by design. You can plan your estate with your family or at your family. Values-based legacy planning builds your relationships stronger today, and you will enjoy that benefit while you are still living. You will strengthen intergenerational communication and trust and may even be able to restore relationships that are damaged. Unfortunately, too many people choose to plan at their family, using their wealth as a means to control the futures of their family members.

Planning by default will force your family to “sort out the mess” after you are gone. Plenty of families have been damaged because no one wanted to work through the financial decisions of their estates with family members. Let me encourage you from years of experience with hundreds of families. Planning with your family can be one of the most enriching experiences of your life.

Why do you suppose so many people have such a difficult time talking about their wealth with other members of their family? Could it be they lack the tools to keep the conversation healthy or that damage exists that needs to be repaired in order for the conversation to happen? We’re all smart enough to know that none of this will happen by itself. You may need someone to help walk your family through the process.

Some of the tools good planners use are intended to help families genuinely begin to understand the unique abilities, character traits, and the deeper aspirations of other family members. That knowledge will result in a legacy plan that genuinely helps family members achieve life-long dreams. In this way, you honor your family members’ unique gifts through the gift you give. Your story truly lives on in theirs without being overpowering. Instead, you support those things that you both agree are important based on your individual stories.

The best part of planning your legacy now, is that you get to see it flower while you’re here.

Alan is President of Pratt Legacy Advisors in Bellevue WA. An ILC— Anaheim Workshop Collection presenter, he also serves as President of The International Association of Advisors in Philanthropy, a not for profit membership organization that builds philanthropic capacity through collaborative programs and projects that unite financial advisors, charitable organizations, foundations, donors, and wealth planners in a common goal.

© 2005 American City Business Journals Inc.

 

 

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WE can BE A BRIDGE … LEADING PEOPLE TO HIM.

Alice Kalso

I love word plays, especially describing Boomers.

Here’s my favorite: Boomers are the bridge.

I stumbled on this analogy a decade ago in a book ahead of its time called The Sandwich Years. Author Dennis Gibson coined the phrase. It works for me.

If you’re a Boomer, or the parent of a Boomer, close your eyes. Picture a bridge:  an Indiana red covered bridge, the Golden Gate bridge, a floating bridge, a suspension bridge. In our families, Boomers are like bridges because:

1. Boomers connect people. Boomers share so many rich memories with their parents: church potlucks with jello salads and homemade desserts, shuffleboard, ping-pong and church baseball games. And who could forget cake and punch wedding receptions hosted by the Ladies’ Missionary Society?  Or church services twice on Sunday? Yet Boomers also share experiences with the younger set: taking sermon notes on an I-Pad, “reading the Bible” on an electronic device, and corresponding instantly with missionaries around the world. The Boomers’ breadth of knowledge and experience allows them to reach out to old and young and explain cultural differences.  They can also interpret the medical world to their aging parents, and advocate on their behalf.

2. Boomers are resilient. Having weathered the test of time, Christian Boomers stand strong. Many have lost loved ones, endured layoffs and triumphed over other disappointments, with God’s help. In the process, they’ve learned much from the “school of hard knocks.”  Patience, gratitude, encouragement, joy. By testing God’s faithfulness and finding it rock solid, they face tomorrow with optimism. This is no pie-in-the-sky theology that denies difficulties and trials. Instead, it focuses on Christ’s ability to move us and change us through difficult situations. No matter how hard things are, Boomers realize that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”  (Psalm 30:5). That unshakable belief centers them.

3. Boomers are approachable. Young adults and the frail elderly are often self-focused for different reasons. The young ones are launching, whether starting careers, finding a life partner, or raising children. These monumental tasks require virtually all their efforts. The older generation has other issues. Their bodies, plagued by physical ailments, require far more attention than before. In addition, they face the death of friends, spouses and dreams. They are waning. Boomers are the go-to people for both generations, able to offer advice and help. Old and young alike have faith in this middle group, precisely because of their firm foundation that will endure.

Yet there is a darker side to being a bridge. “Sometimes Boomers feel walked on from both sides,” Gibson writes. Demands race at them from both the generation above and below, resulting in an emotional traffic jam. This “intergenerational traffic jam” happened to me 12 years ago, when my very frail parents arrived for a 10-day visit. Our agenda was over the top with two graduations, our parent’s surprise 50th wedding anniversary celebration, and our oldest daughter’s wedding. Father’s Day capped it off.

I hadn’t seen Mother and Daddy in a while. What a shock when I met them at the airport! My best-laid plans suddenly came to a halt, and daily minor medical emergencies took center stage. “I need a Fleet enema NOW!” my Dad moaned from time to time. Until then, I knew nothing about such things. But I learned quickly. Another day Mother tumbled out of the car onto the grass, flat on her back. No broken bones, just her pride. Then there were the usual requests from our teens and the bride.

The wedding went well. Daddy’s biggest fear—that he’d trip down the aisle—didn’t happen. At the end of the visit, I felt so many conflicting emotions. I was glad to see them, proud that our children had been so accepting, sad at their frailty and especially that I hadn’t been physically present to notice their decline. On a personal level, I felt splintered and broken. I needed to repair the bridge.

A helpful book on this subject is The How of Happiness by research scientist and author, Sonja Lyubomirsky. In her highly documented and readable The How of Happiness, she distills years of empirical research on the science of happiness, compiling the results of many studies over time on ‘happiness’—what makes some people content while others are less so, and what people can do to improve their happiness level. Here are some of the ways she suggests happy people use to repair their bridge that were helpful to me.

Happy people:

1. Express gratitude. Thankfulness brings back well being after loss, fatigue and overload, says Lyubomirsky. It strengthens moral behavior, enabling us to do the right thing, even when others, including older and younger generations, might not respond positively. No wonder the Bible contains so many admonitions to “Give thanks.”

2. Avoid ‘overthinking.’ This is an area I have to give to the Lord, as it’s easy to second-guess my decisions or mull over problems which can’t be resolved. I agree with Lyubomirsky that ruminating about an issue heightens sorrow, impairs our ability to solve problems and saps motivation. Whenever I find myself ‘overthinking,’ I tell myself, “Stop!” If I’m diligent, the pattern will cease.

3. Suppress negative emotion. Happy people “schedule” their negative emotions. For example, if I feel sadness, I say to myself, “Sadness, I can’t see you now. I’ll see you after supper.” Then at the appropriate time, I can pour my heart out to the Lord. Scheduling negative emotions allows me to express them and still function throughout the day.

4. Practice their faith. It’s probably no surprise that prayerful people tend to live longer. They have higher deposits of hope, gratitude and love. Especially helpful are prayers that those which go beyond asking for things. Seeking God’s presence daily makes us happy. Here Lyubomirsky agrees with so many Scriptures.

The best example of such a ‘bridge’ is our Lord himself. To borrow words from Simon and Garfunkel’s song so popular with Boomers in the late 60s, Jesus is our “Bridge Over Troubled Waters.” He gave of Himself to all generations, feeding people physically and spiritually, healing the sick, connecting his disciples to each other, and ultimately bridging the gap between sinful humanity and a righteous God. And when He felt spent, He knew how to repair, spending time alone with His Father.

Even at the end of His life, He continued to bring together old and young. Suffering incalculable agony, Jesus nevertheless turned from his pain to gaze at His mother. “Behold your son,” He said.  And to His best friend John, Jesus said, “Behold your mother.” These two took the advice of their advocate, their example, their ‘bridge.’ John took Mary into his own home for the rest of her life.

What a legacy Jesus left us! No matter our generation, we are given the power to reconcile others to God, to be a bridge leading people to Him.

Alice Kalso is Director of Marketing for an affordable retirement community in Bellevue, Washington.  She has written on family issues for 25 years, publishing in Christian and secular newspapers and magazines.  Her new blog, www.boomersguidetoeldercare.com, addresses the relationship between adult children and their aging parents.

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ALL RELIGIOUS MOVEMENTS GROW WHEN A CRITICAL NUMBER OF PEOPLE PERSONALLY EXPERIENCE A COMMON CHANGE IN MIND SET.

Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center
James V. Gambone Ph.D.

In almost every church in America there are five distinct living generations: people born between 1900-1931 (Civic Generation); 1932-1944 (Mediating Generation); 1945-1963 (Boomer Generation); 1964-1981 (Diversity Generation); 1982- present (Millennial Generation). When you add one generation to represent all of the saints that brought us here, and assign one generation for saints yet unborn, every Christian faith community symbolically represents at least seven generations.

. . . gather the people together, proclaim a solemn assembly; summon the elders, gather the children, yes babes at the breast; bid the bridegroom leave his chamber and the bride her bower . . .” -Joel 2:16

I was conducting a secular Intergenerational Dialogue with the five living generations in the world famous Mall Of America. In preparation for the event, I met with the manager of the Mall for lunch. After pleasantries, he cut right to the chase. “Jim, he said, “I think you’re pretty naive to think this intergenerational approach has any hope of really changing anything.” I asked him why he said that. He replied, “Look around. There are billions of advertising and marketing dollars being spent every day to convince people that they are part of a unique and distinct generation. Why do you think this kind of advertising works? It works because people who see themselves as a separate group are easier to sell.”

Over the past 11 years of doing intense intergenerational work throughout America, Canada and parts of Europe, these words from the manager of the world’s largest temple to consumerism continually come back into my mind.

My theology tells me that God intended to have all people share his unconditional love together not in a targeted market group that shares a special interest. But how quickly the Church has fallen into forming its ministries based on secular marketing principles.

“Youth ministries,” “family ministries,” “singles ministries,” “men’s and women’s ministries,” “senior ministries,” “people of color ministries,” etc. all divide today’s churches into neat, congregational market niches. We are told we need to invest in these kinds of ministries in order to meet the “diverse” needs of our faith community. Yet in spite of nearly thirty years of congregational growth advocates telling us that we need to fill congregational market niches in our mainline churches, attendance and membership continues to decline among all generations. Doesn’t this suggest something is dramatically wrong?

Thank God a growing number of churches are courageously following a very different philosophy. After two years of intensive study, an ELCA Lutheran church in Monticello, Minnesota named it’s first Director of Intergenerational Ministry. Two Pentecostal congregations were featured in the July 1997 issue of Christianity Today.

Dennis Sawyer, senior pastor of a midsize Seattle congregation called Church By the Side of the Road says, “We pay as little attention to age as possible . . . The Wisdom that used to be shared around the supper table, from older to younger, isn’t happening. So we need to make opportunity for this in the church . . . And when visiting parents come up or call me at the office and ask, “What programs do you have for teenagers,” I smile and say, “We have church!”

Pastor Warren Heckman of the Lake City church in Madison, Wisconsin heads a church of over 1,000 worshipers. On the essential question of church leadership, he told Christianity Today, “My goal for years has been that the Board Of Elders have an age span. Every year in the nominating process, I purposely steer things that way. Not that I neglect the Biblical warnings against choosing novices-but I’ve always believed there were young people who were worthy of consideration. Age does not automatically equal spiritual maturity.”

Many of us believe it is time to build a new and broad-scale intentional intergenerational religious movement in this country. It needs to be a movement about faith, revival, love, hope and opportunity. It needs to be different from all other movements that have come before. And it needs to be initially focused around breaking down the barriers between generations in our churches and church-connected organizations.

The mainline protestant denominations are perfectly positioned to lead such a movement because their congregations are generally 10 years older than the rest of the population. While some in the church bemoan this situation as a problem, it should be seen as an opportunity. The demographics in the church resemble what the rest of the population will look like throughout the first half of the 21st century. These older churches could take advantage of their aging membership and be in the forefront of offering a new model of intergenerational service and relationships as we approach the millennium.

Growing the Intentional Intergenerational Ministry Movement

All religious movements grow when a critical number of people personally experience a common change in mind set. The late Howard McClusky provided us with a challenge and an opportunity to change the way we look at our society and our religious institutions. Through intentional intergenerational ministry, our churches and church-affiliated organizations could become “faith communities of differents,” an interacting group of people occupying both adjacent and widely separated stages in the progression from the beginning to the end of life. It would be an association that would share a common belief system, and respect, caring and cooperation as basic, fundamental principles for living on a day-to-day basi

It is the differences and unique assets and gifts among generations in the churches that could make the wholeness of life more comprehensible. The differences also account for the common and compelling need generations have to learn from each other.

Some will argue that we have many differences in the church that need to be addressed first. There are racial, economic and political differences. While this is true, I believe the generational platform is the best place to start working because it is the most “inclusive” platform where we can address differences by first recognizing what we share in common.

While I will never be an African-American or a woman, I can sit down with another 57-year-old Baby Boomer-regardless of race, gender or nationality- and find things we have in common simply as a member of a generation. These commonalities may not seem initially as significant as racial, political or gender differences. But I propose that if we can truly understand and appreciate generational similarities across race, income, nationality and culture, there is hope that we can begin to appreciate much more difficult racial and cultural differences.

Once generations recognize their identity and realize the unique contributions they have to make, they can join respectfully with other generations to take on some of our pressing societal and spiritual issues. If we can break down the enormous barriers and isolation between generations in all of our religious institutions, the chances of breaking down other differences will dramatically increase.

Celebrating the similarities and differences between generations can also help congregations become respectful, caring and cooperative communities supporting the growing Intentional Intergenerational Ministry movement in America.

Practical Suggestions For Making Your Congregation An Intentional Intergenerational Community of Faith.

1. Lighting the Advent Candle

During Advent, set aside at least two Sundays where representatives from all the generations in the congregation light the Advent candle together. Always ask for a pregnant woman to join the group so she can represent the interests of future generations.

2. Passing On the Bible

Have your elders and older adults personally prepare a Bible for each young person in the church after their confirmation. Make it a ritual. Before they give it to the young person, have the adults tell the entire congregation what the Bible has meant to them and how important it is to pass the faith on from one generation to the next. Have each adult make a commitment to periodically check in with the young person to see how they are doing with their new Bible.

3. Family Fest For All Generations

Family Fest could be a series of five nights over a two-month period where the entire church family gets together. Make this a festive occasion with flowers and brightly decorated tables. In two hours, 5:30-7:30, you could serve a dinner, celebrate birthdays, weddings and anniversaries, and have singing, prayers, skits, an intergenerational exercise, story time and benediction.

4. Intergenerational Vacation Bible School

Blend as many ages as you can at Bible school. By making it intentionally intergenerational, you can literally make Bible stories come alive through role-playing and cross-age problem-solving activities.

5. Intergenerational Mission Trips

How would a mission trip look if the age range was six years to 86 years? Some churches are already doing this. Think of the opportunities for cross-age interaction and generational transfers if different generations spent time together. Intergenerational mission trips would look much more like the mission trips of early Christian communities.

6. Sunday School

Sunday School was originally created for orphan children without parents. Some Ministers are now saying that Sunday School orphans children who have parents. Sunday School should be promoted as a place where different ages can connect and learn from one another.

7. Retreats

Intergenerational church retreats are wonderful places to offer formal and informal ways for generations to get to know each other. An Intergenerational Dialogues ( www.pointsofviewinc.com) can take place during all-age retreats. Retreats are good places to begin intentional intergenerational ministry or to give a boost to what you are already doing.

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