Positive Parenting: Family
by Dr. Dick Hardel
My wife, Carolyn and I were invited to a family milestone celebration of the 60th anniversary of the marriage of Irene and Merton Strommen. The invitation stated that the celebration would be at the home of one of the sons of Irene and Mert, there should be no physical gifts, and it would be a family celebration.
I felt so honored to be invited and checked to see if we would be returning from my speaking engagement in time to attend. I was pleased to discover that we could make it just in time. I did not want to miss such an event. Not many have had the privilege of celebrating 60 years of a marriage centered in the love of Christ.
Because our flight from South Carolina was delayed for a short time, Carolyn and I were the last guests to arrive. Cars were parked along the street for blocks. I was still amazed that we were invited. “The invitation said that this was a small celebration for close family, but we aren’t family. I’m not with these people very often,” I thought to myself. As we entered, so many people greeted us by name. If there was a member of the gathering, this family, who did not know us, they were quickly introduced. Two people even said, “I recognize you from your picture in the Metro Lutheran.”
I had become trapped in my own narrow thinking of what it means to be family. So often we only think of blood relatives. Many times at The Youth & Family Institute, where I formerly worked as the Executive Director, our staff had been challenged to use a word other than family in our presentations and our writings. The narrow definition of family as those immediately blood-related, living in the same house has only been with us since World War II. There is no biblical word for family in either the Old Testament Hebrew or the New Testament Greek. The biblical understanding of family goes beyond being related by blood to include households, hired workers, servants, tribes, clans, and even an entire nation.
I have been told that it would be better to use a more inclusive word than family. So I tried phrases like bonded relationships or primary relationships. But they don’t communicate as well as family. The word family comes from the same root word as familiar. One is recognized because she lives closely with another. It is an intimate relationship that stresses closeness rather than the frequency of personal association.
Throughout the anniversary celebration of Irene and Mert Stommen’s marriage, I kept looking around at the family. Many were not related. Many would not even reach the same conclusions over political issues of our day. As the Strommen boys, a quartet, sang faithful songs that shared 60 years of family milestones, we smiled, laughed, and even cried. We could see that the closeness of this family was faith in Jesus Christ through the history of Norwegian piety and the Lutheran Free Church. The grace of God was shining in Irene’s face as she so eloquently spoke of the fun of growing closer in Christ. Even Merton–strong, stoic, Norwegian pietistic male–struggled not to have his voice break with deep emotion of the presence of a gracious God in Jesus Christ, throughout his very well prepared thanksgiving speech.
Family is much more than being related. It is living closely with Jesus Christ. Carolyn and I rejoiced when Irene and Mert invited us back to celebrate their 75th anniversary.
Family Activities
1. If you were planning a wedding anniversary celebration to be held at your house, how many family members could you invite? Who would you invite? Make a list.
2. A FaithChest® would be a wonderful gift to give at a wedding anniversary milestone celebration. The family stories and photos could be burned on a CD or DVD.
3. Make a list of the folks that you consider family, those with whom you are familiar and live near. How might you let them know that they are considered family?
4. Discuss the common thread that weaves and holds your family together. How will you keep that common thread strong?
5. Whose families are you part of, and yet are not related?
Dick is an ordained Lutheran pastor and served as a parish pastor in congregations in South Dakota and Florida, and as assistant to the Bishop of the Nebraska Synod of the ELCA. Since 1994 Dick Hardel has served at The Youth & Family Institute as Executive Director, Director of Vision and Creative Ministry, Director of Wellness Ministries, and now Senior Fellow.
This article on Positive Parenting was originally written for and published in the Metro Lutheran, a monthly newspaper in the Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN area. For more information about a FaithChest® see Dr. Hardel’s website: www.faithwellmt.com