The Quality of Engagement

John Coulombe, Provided by CN Building Adult Ministries Resource Center

It all has to do with change. Winter blows in and snaps the buds, flowers and blooms into a new cycle of growth, renewal and life. As with the seasons of nature, so it is with the nature of man. God gave us the springtime and a myriad of other phenomenal acts of nature to help us understand the phases and stages of our own lives. Without change, life becomes monotonous monotone, routine, dreary, boring and colorless. Brian C. Stiller, President of Tyndale University College and Seminary in Toronto, recently wrote an article for the school’s newsletter (The Issachar Notes), which caught my attention on “Neoteny.” Yes, it’s a new word for me as well. It’s a zoological term having to do with the retention of juvenile features in adult animals. But where it grabbed me was when it referred to the retention of youthful qualities by adults. In simple terms, neoteny is the “quality of engagement in which the world is as attractive to me as a 61 year-old as it is to an active preschooler.” (Bennis and Thomas in Geeks and Geezers)

Bryan and Brandon, our three and five year-old grandsons, see life through the extraordinary and supernatural eyes of Superman and SpiderMan—they’re strong, able to leap buildings in a single bound, climb and swing from highrise structures and protect innocent, helpless people from the bad guys. These enthusiastic and loveable little boys are hopeless romantics, convinced that there is nothing they can’t do. In Stiller’s words: “Children, not burdened by failure, made cynical by the frivolous or becoming cautious by the unknown, model this quality of engagement.” Stiller continues: “Having ‘seen it all,’ having been exposed to the hyperbole of televangelists, having listened to the partisan polemics of politicians and having felt the disabling hurt of personal failure, life too easily slips into the tactics of caution, as much for a 30year old as for a 60year old.”

We have much to learn from our children and grandchildren about life. For too long we have listened to the hearts of our own kind, rather than the children. Jesus presses us to be as children, to overcome the anxious “why” with the hopeful “why not?” Edith Wharton stated it well: “In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.” Perhaps we should pay less attention to our expired prescriptions and more to our expired hopes and dreams! Which really is the more dangerous, if indeed we are to be living lives of faith? “If a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all . . .Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth . . . Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them . . “(Ecclesiastes 11:8-9; 12:1)

A Neotenic Prayer

Lord, help us remain childlike, but keep us from being childish.

Keep us playing, full of giggles, smiles and fun.

Keep us dreaming, but wake us from our restful slumber when it’s time to get up.

Keep us kind, when others are mean.

Keep us tender, but make us strong.

Keep us inquisitive, but protected when boundaries are forgotten.

Keep us from failing the same old tests; help us learn from our falls.

Keep us trusting, but with discernment.

Keep us learning, but make us wise.

Keep us praying, simple and true.

Keep us talking (and listening) without airs, with family as well as Father.

Keep us growing and keep us pruned.

Keep us fruitful, sun-ripened, fresh and sweet.

Lord, change us so we’ll look more like You.

And keep us changing and committed to the things You ordained as unchangeable.

^{John Coulombe has served for 20 years as Pastor to Senior Adults at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, California.}

John Coulombe

I was visiting my 96 year-old friend, Elsie Heuer, in the nursing home where she lived the past three years. They were cleaning her room and had wheeled her into the hallway. When I arrived she was slumped over, fast asleep, unable to respond to me rubbing her arm. Realizing I couldn’t stir her, I engaged in a brief conversation with her roommate, Beulah. As I turned to leave, I saw Elsie’s eyes open, so headed back her direction. Her eyes caught mine; she was confused, couldn’t identify me and I knew she couldn’t hear me since her ears had long ago ceased to pick up sounds. I felt uncomfortable. What should I do? Leave, speak to her, read the Scriptures, say something “spiritual”? And then this idea came to my heart: “John, don’t rush out; don’t try to say something profound; just give her the gift of your presence.” I wheeled Elsie back to her room. Beulah followed and we just sat, looking at each other for a seemingly endless time.

After the quiet time was no longer uncomfortable, I took Elsie’s and Beulah’s hands and prayed, assuming Elsie still didn’t recognize me and couldn’t hear my prayer. As I stood up to leave, she looked knowingly into my eyes. Her Irish twinkle returned and with exuberance, she blurted out, “I love it when you come visit me!” As I went to my car my eyes were full and my heart was near bursting. I sat for a few moments, and then quietly began to sob. That was Monday morning. Elsie died early that Thursday at 1:50 a.m. Who would have known this would have been an unrepeatable, Spirit- directed moment?

James Kok, a pastor friend at the Crystal Cathedral, has reminded me that “90% of caring is just showing up.” Being cared for is a basic ingredient of life. The Apostle Paul reminded a church to not lose heart in doing good . . . and while they still had opportunity, to do good to all men, especially to those of the household of faith (Gal.6:9-10).

One of the things Ev. Free Church does best is care, and we have many ministries that do just that: One on One for One, a brand new ministry where one person commits to visiting and calling one person for just one year; VIPS—Volunteers in Pastoral Service; Alongside, our memorial service ministry; Parish Nurses; Family Fix-It Day; Forget-Me-Not and Difference Makers, ministering in nursing homes; Second Wind; Feast and Family; COMI; Upbeat, for those with heart ailments; Disabilities Ministry; Cancer Support Group; Grief Group; Good Samaritan Center; Celebrate Recovery; Lay Counseling; Royal Family Kids Camp; Pen Pals; Sunday Drivers and Divorce Recovery to name just some!

So what more do we need? More people to serve! The needs are still great and increasing. Let’s remember the words of George Washington Carver: How far you can go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong—because some day in life you will have been all of these.

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another… casting all your cares on Him because He cares for you . . .Greet one another with the kiss of love.(From 1 Pet.5).

^{John Coulombe has served for 20 years as Pastor to Senior Adults at First Evangelical Free Church, Fullerton CA}